Environmental Disaster Declared After Contents of Hot Tub Boat Leaks into Lake Union
An environmental disaster was declared today after a hot tub boat ran aground in Lake Union, spilling gallons of an unnatural mixture of toxic...
Mayor Durkan Promises to Resign Soon, Just Has a Few More Pieces of Evidence to Destroy First
After months of people calling for her resignation, Mayor Jenny Durkan announced today she would finally do so as soon as she destroys a...
Mayor Durkan Responds to Requests for Missing June 2020 Text Messages ‘New Phone, Who Dis?’
Despite more than 48 public records requests for text messages she sent during contentious protests in June 2020, Mayor Jenny Durkan has repeatedly responded...
Mom Insists Waiting In Line For ‘Original Starbucks’ Worth It
Disregarding repeated protests from her grown daughter, Ohio mother Susan Varlick insisted that no line could be long enough to keep her from getting...
Op-Ed: Have You Considered Mom Isn’t Getting Vaccinated Because SHE Doesn’t Want To See YOU?
That’s right, I said it: Maybe I, your mother, am “not vaccinated” yet because I’M not ready to see YOU.
My husband and I have...
Family Trip to Wild Waves Rebranded as Mother’s Day Gift
Previously thought of as a semi-routine family outing, one local family surprised their beloved matriarch, Deborah Franek, today by rebranding this weekend’s planned trip...
Seattle Changes City Limits Specifically to Incorporate Central Market Shoreline
The City of Seattle finalized an agreement with the City of Shoreline today to change the northernmost city limits at 145th street so that...
‘U Up?’ Text Steadily Migrating Closer to 10 p.m. With Each Passing Year
In what used to be a regular 2 a.m. ritual, one aging fuckboy’s late-night hookup texts have steadily migrated closer to an optimal bedtime...
Salumi Deli Announces New Charcuterie Replacement Shakes for Gals on the Go
Legendary Seattle delicatessen Salumi has announced they are expanding their menu with a new line of convenient Charcuterie Replacement Shakes for gals on the...
Willows Inn Responds to NYT Exposé with Statement Released in Small, Unsatisfying Portions
Following the New York Times’ expose of worker abuses at the famed fine dining destination on Washington’s Lummi Island, Willows Inn Chef Blaine Wetzel...
