DEI Hero? This Business Leader Only Hires People Used to Working Harder for Way Less Money
As the new presidential administration and his allies aim to kill Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) programs across the country, today one heroic Pacific...
Guy Sighing Loudly While Waiting for Prescription Charged With Domestic Terrorism
A local man was charged with domestic terrorism today while waiting for a prescription in a Walgreens after his loud sighs were construed as...
Elon Musk Jolts Awake in Cold Sweat After Recurring Nightmare of Trans Athlete Dunking on Him
Multi-hyphenate tech CEO Elon Musk reportedly jolted awake in a cold sweat today after suffering a recurring nightmare of a transgender athlete dunking on...
Gold-Chained Gov. Bob Ferguson Goes On Rogan to Explain Why He’s Against Wealth Tax
Today Washington state’s new gold-chained governor, Bob Ferguson, spent his first full day in office on Joe Rogan’s podcast to explain why he’s against...
Bluesky Holdout Just Not Sure If It’s Controlled by Shitty Enough Rich Asshole Yet
Today longtime Instagram, Facebook and X/Twitter user Haleigh Perkins said she’s still holding out on joining new social media alternative Bluesky because she’s just...
Woman Swears Brunch Outfit is Not Pajamas
A Seattle woman’s weekend plans to enjoy a relaxing brunch at Sabine Café with a friend visiting from Paris were dashed today by repeated...
Luna Park Cafe Implicated in Fonzi Scheme
Popular West Seattle diner and tchotchke paradise Luna Park Cafe had their malt mixer impounded today as they are currently under investigation for running...
Local Woman Excited to Hear First Date Ideas From California-Born Tech Worker
This week, Seattle-native Brianna Johnson reportedly told her friends that she was excited to hear her Hinge match’s ideas for hikes in the area,...
Make-A-Wish Extends Services to the Terminally Online
Today the Make-A-Wish Foundation announced that in addition to fulfilling the wishes of dying children, they will now also make dreams come true for...
Negligent Landlord Treats Tenants to In-Unit Polar Plunge
Today tenants of local negligent landlord Roy Nauhart were spared trekking all the way to Alki, Golden Gardens or Matthews Beach after he graciously...
