Trump Pardons Howard Schultz for Moving Supersonics to Oklahoma City
President Trump's pardon spree continued today after he announced that he would formally pardon Howard Schultz for the unforgivable crime of moving the Seattle...
RFK Jr. Debuts New Free School Lunch Program
In his first order of business after the Senate confirmed him as President Donald Trump’s Health Secretary, today RFK Jr. unveiled the nation’s first...
Strait of Juan de Fuca Admits to Experimenting in College
In a new memoir washing ashore this spring, the Strait of Juan de Fuca chronicles its youth and admits to being not quite as...
Leashed Mark Zuckerberg Introduced as Trump’s First Presidential Pet
American history was made today after President Trump introduced a leashed Mark Zuckerberg as his first official presidential pet.
"We always wondered why President Trump...
‘Don’t Worry, I Used to Fly in the Midwest,’ Announces Pilot Moments Before Slowly Sliding Into Parked Planes
As delays at Sea-Tac Airport continue to pile up due to slippery runway conditions, one Midwestern pilot reassured his passengers he was more than...
Green Lake Snowman Absolutely Riddled With Goose Poop
A fanciful frolic through the snow turned messy today after a Green Lake snowman was found to be absolutely riddled with goose poop.
"Oh God,...
3 Ways to Remember Bellevue Still Sucks Even Though They Have Snow Right Now and You Don’t
Even the most confident of Seattleites can sometimes waver in their faith that Bellevue truly and completely sucks at all times in every way,...
New Study Finds 90% of Cat Owners Experience oofjfjjggigiiiiifohhhjjfjfjjjjj))))))))))))))
A new study published today suggests that up to 90% of cat owners experience oofjfjjggigiiiiifohhhjjfjfjjjjj)))))))))))))) the moment they leave their keyboard unattended.
"During a new...
Boeing Reflexively Publishes Apology Statement
Despite no evidence that the most tragic airplane crash over U.S. soil in years had anything to do with Boeing’s increasingly questionable manufacturing practices,...
Rob Saka Filibusters Own Coffee Order
A line wrapped around the Delridge Uptown Espresso this morning as Seattle City Councilmember Rob Saka held up traffic filibustering his own coffee order."What...
