Help SPD Name Its New Urban Warfare Tank!
Wealth inequality is at an all-time high, underfunded schools are closing, and the city's unhoused population is exploding. Thankfully we live in one of...
FDA Bans Unleaded Baby Formula
In a long-awaited win for followers of Robert F. Kennedy Jr., today the U.S. Health Secretary announced the FDA has officially banned unleaded baby...
Man Celebrates American Independence with Fireworks Only Made in China
Today local man Barry Hughes said his hands-down favorite way to celebrate the indomitable independence, strength and self-reliance of America is fireworks only made...
‘Seattle Weather Really Not That Bad,’ Says Man Who Moved Here 4 Weeks Ago
Contrary to previous speculation, Seattle weather is
surprisingly quite pleasant, reports newly minted Seattle meteorological expert
Scott Caprelli, who moved to town from LA exactly four...
Golden Retriever Comes Out as Proud Pansexual
Today local 24-dog-year-old golden retriever Harvey proudly announced to his friends and family that he is pansexual.
“I am coming out as pansexual to everyone...
Family of Dove Killed by Randy Johnson Protest Number Retirement
The family of a dove blown into a “sea of feathers” by a fastball pitch from Randy Johnson in 2001 are protesting the Mariners...
Sara Nelson Appoints Connorflict O’McInterest to Seattle City Council
Today Seattle City Council President Sara Nelson announced that outgoing Councilmember Cathy Moore will be replaced by newcomer Connorflict O'McInterest.
"With the unfortunate departure of...
Tragic: Climbing Accident Victim Not Ex
In yet another tragedy for the local mountaineering community, the King County Medical Examiner confirmed today the victim of last week’s climbing accident was...
Bainbridge Island Museum of Art Promises to Include Palestinian Voices in 6 or 7 Decades
Even though this week the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art canceled a play about Gaza at the last minute, today it promised to include...
SPD to Provide 200 Officers to Guard Fluffy Animal Torture Event at Seattle Center
The Seattle Police Department announced today that they will be providing 200 officers free-of-charge to protect the constitutional rights of Purrshoot Church Northwest TM,...
