Tacoma Upstages Everett’s Seattle-Paine Field Airport Rebrand With New T-Pain Field
Just days after it was announced that Everett’s Paine Field is being renamed Seattle-Paine Field Airport, Tacoma quickly stole the spotlight away today with the unveiling of their own new T-Pain Field.
“Oh, okay, Seattle—I...
‘The Weather Isn’t That Bad,’ Says Woman Using 6 Forms of Artificial Sunlight
According to one local woman who cocoons in at least six artificial forms of sunlight a day, Seattle weather reportedly “really isn’t that bad.”
“The whole lack of sun thing is sort of an urban...
REPORT: Literally Everything In Fremont Boutique Is Sooooooo Cute
Local officials have issued a report confirming that sisters Taylor and Daphne Ward could not even today because literally everything in the Fremont boutique they shopped in for Small Business Week was literally too...
Frye Art Museum to Start Paying Customers to Visit
In a revolutionary marketing campaign set to match its revolutionary art exhibits, the Frye Art Museum has just announced it will start paying visitors to see its galleries.
While the First Hill museum is...
Edgy: This Alt Weekly Contrarian Knows What to Think After Seeing What Everyone Else Thinks First
Capitol Hill — Most opinions on current events posted online these days preach and pander to the choir.
Not so with edgy local columnist Betty Hedges, who routinely waits to see what readers with...
Bleary-Eyed Hempfest Organizers Announce Festival Schedule For Last Weekend
After waking bright and early at approximately 1 p.m. today, organizers of Seattle’s flagship cannabis culture event smeared away eyecrust to finally announce Hempfest 2019's festival schedule and entertainment lineup for last weekend.
“We’ve...
Aw! 5 Adorable STDs That Still Think They’re Scary
Like a boogeyman in the sheets, STDs once haunted us with their terrifying prospects of oozing genitalia sores, searing urination, and increased chances of cervical cancer. Oh the nightmares we used to have thinking...
Pearl Jam Album Played Backwards Contains English Language
While searching for subliminal satanic commands, a young Spokane teenager was surprised to instead find discernible English words when playing Pearl Jam’s Yellow Ledbetter in reverse, his mortified mother reported.
The teen’s mother, Susan Willet,...
Washington State Fair Ring Toss Prizes All Ivermectin This Year
At the opening of the annual Washington State Fair this Labor Day Weekend, fairgoers say they were shocked and, in some cases, pleasantly surprised to discover that stuffed animals normally offered as prizes at...
‘My Partner Lives in Angle Lake,’ Says Person Who Definitely Does Not Have Partner
Seattle resident Becca Burns is accused of lying today after telling friends and family that her new smart and hot partner resides in Angle Lake.
“It sounded like a match made in heaven when she...
