While searching for subliminal satanic commands, a young Spokane teenager was surprised to instead find discernible English words when playing Pearl Jam’s Yellow Ledbetter in reverse, his mortified mother reported.
The teen’s mother, Susan Willet, immediately demanded to speak with Pearl Jam manager Kelly Curtis to voice her concerns about the ostensibly gibberish laden album and its influence on her son.
“I was shocked when I realized Eddie Vedder’s innocuous babbling had a hidden meaning,” the staunchly conservative mother cried. “Since day one, I’ve shielded my homeschooled son’s mind from blasphemous popular media and mainstream English while only permitting him to listen to gibberish doomsday sermons and ambient farm sounds. I worry that Pearl Jam rock has poisoned his psyche and irreparable damage may have been done to his personality and maybe even given him an understanding of proper grammar.”
When reached for a comment, Curtis denied the allegations.
“Eddie doesn’t speak any recognizable human language. We’ve enlisted the help of Sumerian translators, Ozzy Osbourne’s handler, and Dr. Doolittle in attempts to make sense of what he is saying — all to no avail,” Curtis said. “Any word, howl, or guttural sound bearing similarity to American English is purely coincidental. As far as the aforementioned damages to personalities, Pearl Jam and affiliates can not be held responsible for any persons suddenly purchasing excess flannel, skipping baths, suddenly climbing scaffolding and/or exhibiting chronic Pabst breath.”
