Area Geoduck Wonders How Naked Man Breathes Through That Little Thing
Upon seeing a naked man in all his glory for the first time after a local New Year’s Day Polar Plunge today, one area...
Local Businesses Lit Up with Red, Green, White and Black in Solidarity with Palestine
Bravely taking a stand with millions of starving civilians being indiscriminately bombed every day with no safe place to go or escape, businesses across...
Cinerama Theatergoer Not Sure If Chocolate Popcorn or Timothée Chalamet Performance Causing Vomit
Mere minutes into the highly anticipated re-opening of Seattle’s Cinerama featuring the just-released Wonka, one troubled theatergoer ran to the bathroom and reported she...
Thousands of Santas Gather in Seattle to Crush Child’s Imagination Forever
Today a merry flurry of hundreds of red suits, white fur trim, long beards and jolly bellies came together in Seattle to crush one...
Naked Tree Seductively Drops Final Leaf
Eyes popped and tongues rolled out of panting mouths shouting “awoogah” today in Seattle when one naked tree culminated its dazzling, three-month strip tease...
Inclusive Gentile Coworker Follows Up Generous Passover Challah Gift with Hanukkah Matzo
Ever the champion for inclusion and cultural diversity, local gentile coworker Todd Wilkerson impressed his Jewish colleagues today by following up his impressive gift...
Witch Coven Disappointed No One Noticed They Opened a Portal to Hell in Bellevue
Today one local witch coven is confessing their disappointment that—after all the hard work they put into celebrating Halloween with everyone this year by...
Ghosts Haunting Historic Capitol Hill Building Sick and Tired of These Transplant Ghosts Already
A meeting of Belmont Court’s Dead Homeowners Association (DHOA) grew tense today as the 94-year-old building’s otherworldly residents vented concerns about the culture-fit of...
Man Wins Halloween Costume Contest Dressing as Metro Bus, Never Showing Up to Party
This weekend local man Matt Ellis absolutely crushed the costume competition at a friend's Halloween party by dressing up as a King County Metro...
Guy Who Kind of Knew Kurt Cobain Just Waiting for You to Ask About It
Patrons of Pioneer Square’s legendary Central Saloon are reporting that one of the bar’s regulars, a bearded man with flannel tied at his waist,...
