Groundbreaking Study Shows Bellevue Getting Better in Every Way Except Still Being Bellevue
As the local economic landscape continues to shift, a new breakthrough study shows Bellevue is giving Seattle a run for its money by getting...
SPS Contracts with IDF to Close All Seattle Schools
After much local controversy about which Seattle public schools the district will need to close for budgetary reasons, today the district announced it will...
U.S. Prison Laborers Still Waiting for Union Army to Show Up and Declare Slavery Over
As the US celebrated Juneteenth—the day Union troops finally arrived in Texas to free black people from slavery—black people still forced to do free...
JD Vance Sued by Ex-Couch for Failing to Pay Ottoman Support
After spending the week denying allegations that he’s had extramarital sexual relations with a couch, today damning legal records confirm he’s not only copulated...
Worn-Out Rick Steves Recommends Indefinite Staycation in Edmonds
After years
of traveling as the eponymous host of Rick Steves’ Europe, the erudite guide
who once encouraged audiences to venture off the beaten path announced...
Touching! How Kevin Spacey Inspired Former SPD Chief to Come Out as Gay Right After Being Accused of Sex Crimes
In the most touching story yet this Pride Month, this week former Seattle Police Chief Adrian Diaz thanked actor Kevin Spacey for helping him...
New Study Shows Mystery Liquid at Bottom of Kayak 90% White Claw and Pee
University of Washington researchers published a landmark study today confirming that the lukewarm, beige slurry that’s been sloshing around at the bottom of your...
Millions of French People Already Bored of Olympics
As the 2024 Summer Olympics kicked off today with its opening ceremonies featuring exciting celebrities like Lady Gaga and Snoop Dogg alongside the world’s...
DEA Classifies Molly Moon’s as Schedule 1 Drug
Citing its high overdose potential, today the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) officially added Molly Moon’s ice cream to its list of Schedule 1 substances.
“Molly...
Local MAGA Man Just Wants More Freedom to Take Away All Your Freedoms
After heated political rhetoric about conservatives’ Project 2025 plans allegedly led to political violence over the weekend when former president Donald Trump was almost...
