City Council Confident You’ll Love Policies Passed from Secret Bunker
After making the unprecedented decision to completely end all in-person public comment in Seattle City Council Chambers, today Council President Sara Nelson said she’s...
Ballard Bridge Stuck, Halts Gentrification for 3 Hours
Today the century-old Ballard Bridge became stuck in the air at a near 90-degree angle due to a malfunctioning motor, halting all gentrification into...
Capitol Hill Block Party Gives Annual Reminder to Residents Over 40 That It Is Time to Move to Ballard
Like salmon answering nature’s call to suddenly swim upstream to a new body of water, this weekend countless residents in their 40s were reminded...
Dave Matthews Sees Shadow at The Gorge, Predicts 6 More Weeks of Summer
Thousands converged upon The Gorge Labor Day Weekend for their annual pilgrimage to see if singer Dave Matthews would see his shadow—and he did,...
PAX West Attendees Devoured by GameShark
Today tragedy struck PAX West, the largest gaming convention on the West Coast, when a number of attendees were devoured by GameShark."I don't know...
Report: RFK Jr. Dropped Out of Presidential Race to Focus on Longtime Feud With Sasquatch
After several rumors circulated about what Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was going to do with his spare time after dropping out last week, today...
Phew! Thing Slithering Through Garden Was Just Spineless City Councilmember Dan Strauss
Despite momentarily fearing for her life, today Ballard resident Anna Santos said the eerie thing she saw slithering through her garden this morning was...
Light Rail Operator Excited to Finally Find Out What’s in Lynnwood
Ahead of the Lynnwood Station grand opening on Friday, Light Rail Operator Tim Anderson is reportedly excited to finally find out what’s actually in...
Mendenhall Glacier Claims It Isn’t Melting, ‘It’s Just Allergies!’
After being spotted dripping everywhere and generally not looking well, today Alaska's Mendenhall Glacier insisted it was only experiencing bad allergies and that it...
VP Harris Reaffirms Israel’s Right to Keep Recklessly Killing Its Own Hostages
In a stirring, inspiring and history-making speech as she formally accepted the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Vice President Kamala Harris forcefully reaffirmed...
