FDA Bans Unleaded Baby Formula
In a long-awaited win for followers of Robert F. Kennedy Jr., today the U.S. Health Secretary announced the FDA has officially banned unleaded baby...
Man Celebrates American Independence with Fireworks Only Made in China
Today local man Barry Hughes said his hands-down favorite way to celebrate the indomitable independence, strength and self-reliance of America is fireworks only made...
Hungover Pete Hegseth Mortified He Posted Military Secrets on I-5 Uncle Sam Billboard
U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly mortified after waking up this afternoon to discover he accidentally posted military secrets on the I-5...
Seattle City Council Begins Ethics Code Meeting with Brand Acknowledgment
Before introducing a bill to dismantle its financial conflict of interest ethics code, the Seattle City Council began its meeting today with a brand...
‘Seattle Weather Really Not That Bad,’ Says Man Who Moved Here 4 Weeks Ago
Contrary to previous speculation, Seattle weather is
surprisingly quite pleasant, reports newly minted Seattle meteorological expert
Scott Caprelli, who moved to town from LA exactly four...
WSDOT Investigated for Alleged Ties to MS Paint
The Trump administration confirmed today that it is investigating everyone on the WSDOT social media and comms team for their alleged ties to MS...
Report: Seattle Still Absolute Hellhole
Several urban experts walking around the Emerald City today issued a report verifying that every part of Seattle is in fact still obviously an...
Bezos’ Balls Reported Missing After Amazon Backs Down on Listing Tariff Charges
Bezos' Balls reportedly went missing in Seattle today according to a poster being circulated online just a few hours after Amazon backed down on...
Waterfront Homeowners Demand City Drain Lake Washington to Prevent Nudity at Denny Blaine Beach
A group of waterfront homeowners announced this week that they will be suing the City of Seattle after it refused to prevent legal nudity...
Car-Free Pike Place Market Just Not Same without Threat of Being Run Over
Pedestrians strolling Pike Place Market Wednesday—the first day of it being temporarily closed to public car traffic through the summer—say shopping and hanging out...
