Swimsuits, boats and paddleboards at the ready to end a 3-day June weekend on a high note, today Seattleites all over the city said they were pumped to enjoy the first day of sunburn.
“It’s finally here!” said Becky Kaplan readying her mayo-white skin for ultra-violet light sacrifice as she paddled out on Lake Washington. “I thought I was going to have to wait forever for my opportunity to start getting this awkward farmer’s tan that will only take two years to fully slough off – but here it is, right on time!”
While many Pacific Northwest residents say they live here because they love the rain and living under the usual blanket of clouds, a group of friends hanging out on the Alki Beach sand said their favorite season is actually sunburn.
“Sure, the rest of the year is kind of rough for people like us, but it’s all worth it come the first day of sunburn,” said Chris Cahill. “Honestly, there’s no more gorgeous place on Earth to barbeque your own body than Washington state.”
At press time, Juneteenth celebrants reminded those getting most sunburned today that, while it’s slightly amusing and cathartic to see so many white people voluntarily setting themselves up for skin cancer and unsightly tan lines, what would be an even better way to celebrate the first three-day sunburn weekend of the year is making a donation or purchase to a black-owned, black-led business or organization.
“That’s right, Becky: If you can afford that swimsuit and that paddleboard your skin’s already peeling off on today, you can also afford to support Community Passageways, Black Girls Code, Creative Justice — take your pick while you’re celebrating the season by hiding inside again under a one-inch layer of aloe vera.”
