Bernie Sanders’ historic Tacoma Dome rally took a strange turn last night as he took the momentous opportunity to premiere a self-produced one-man production of long-running musical Cats.
“Yo yo yo, I know Taylor Swift put her heart and soul into her role in the Cats movie that came out last year and flopped, but watch this right here is going to be one of best reproductions of all time,” said Sanders before the stadium went dark and a single spotlight shone down on him in a glistening cat suit.
“Too long has Bustopher Bezos and the 1% of Jellicles controlled the entrance to Heaviside Layer,” sang Sanders, pushing up his thick glasses with his cat paws. “Too long has the selfish Rum Trump Tugger flaunted his butthole at our rule of law, and we Jellices stand here in the Tacomables Domables to say no more! I ask that you join me on the eve of the Jellicle Ball and take to the rooftops and fire escapes of this great country and caterwaul to the 1% that you’ve had it up to your whiskers with the Macavity’s robbing this great nation blind, and you’re going to do something about it! Thank you, Meowmerica.”
By the end of the night, diehard Bernie Sanders supporters announced in a show of true love and loyalty that they would join Taylor Swift fans in a petition to forget the musical reproductions had ever happened.
