Sound Transit Clarifies People Can Soon Ride Lines 1 and 2, Not Go Number 1 and 2
Jubilation across the Seattle area that people would soon finally be able to go number one or two at any of Sound Transit’s light rail stations was cut short today after the transit agency...
Seattle Parks Agrees to Turn Its Children’s Playground Proposal for Gay Nude Beach Into Adult Playground
After the local LGBTQ+ community came out strong against a city proposal to build a new children’s playground at a longtime gay nude beach, today Seattle Parks announced it wanted to apologize for not...
Sara Nelson Fills Vacant Seattle City Council Seat With Concrete Eco-Block
Today Seattle City Council President Sara Nelson announced her decision to fill Teresa Mosqueda’s vacant council seat with Concrete Eco-Block, one of the several concrete blocks that have been illegally stationed outside of Nelson's...
Dog-Owning, Mountain-Climbing Brewmaster Realizes He Hates Dogs, Mountains, Beer
In a moment of inconvenient clarity atop Vesper Peak, one local man who has made his entire personality a combination of dogs, mountaineering, and brewing beer made the extremely unfortunate personal realization today that...
Local Mushroom Hunter Mounts Giant Head of Lion’s Mane Over Fireplace
To ensure everyone entering his household from this day forth knows he is at the top of the food chain in these Pacific Northwest forests, today a local mushroom hunter mounted the entire head...
Witch Coven Disappointed No One Noticed They Opened a Portal to Hell in Bellevue
Today one local witch coven is confessing their disappointment that—after all the hard work they put into celebrating Halloween with everyone this year by opening a terrifying portal to hell in Bellevue—no one's even...
Mayor Harrell Announces Police Officers Will Recite Land Acknowledgement Before Sweeping Homeless Native Americans on Indigenous Peoples’ Day
In a moving and unprecedented show of deference, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell announced he’s ensuring every police officer recites a land acknowledgment before sweeping homeless Native Americans this Indigenous Peoples’ Day.
"It is vital...
Pike Place to Improve Small Business Access by Adding Parking Inside Market
After recent debates over a car-free Pike Place Market highlighted how essential parking actually is on the small, one-way bricked street thronged with pedestrians, today the Market’s development authority said it was thrilled to...
Workers Rush to Sew Sky Blue Angels Ripped in Half Back Together Before Next Seafair Airshow
The sky over Lake Washington will be closed overnight as workers rush to sew it back together after the Blue Angels accidentally tore it in two during their first Seafair Airshow today.
“If you heard...
Former SPD Chief Carmen Best’s Team at Microsoft Launches Text Deleter 365
A year and a half after being named Microsoft’s Director of Global Security Risk Operations, today Carmen Best—former Seattle Police Chief during 2020 protests and subsequent East Precinct abandonment—finally announced her team’s highly anticipated...
