Boeing Stock Rebounds After Front Half of 737 MAX Lands Safely
After countless potentially deadly mechanical issues tanked the once stellar safety reputation of the nation’s only commercial airplane manufacturer, this morning Boeing stocks finally rebounded for the first time in months after the entire...
Kinky! This Winter Rain Prefers Edging Just Above the Freezing Point to Blowing a Load of Snow
No one has made more of a splash in the Seattle kink scene this season than local BDSM queen Winter Rain, who has spent the entire season edging just above the freezing point to...
Sound Transit Clarifies People Can Soon Ride Lines 1 and 2, Not Go Number 1 and 2
Jubilation across the Seattle area that people would soon finally be able to go number one or two at any of Sound Transit’s light rail stations was cut short today after the transit agency...
Seattle Parks Agrees to Turn Its Children’s Playground Proposal for Gay Nude Beach Into Adult Playground
After the local LGBTQ+ community came out strong against a city proposal to build a new children’s playground at a longtime gay nude beach, today Seattle Parks announced it wanted to apologize for not...
Sara Nelson Fills Vacant Seattle City Council Seat With Concrete Eco-Block
Today Seattle City Council President Sara Nelson announced her decision to fill Teresa Mosqueda’s vacant council seat with Concrete Eco-Block, one of the several concrete blocks that have been illegally stationed outside of Nelson's...
Dog-Owning, Mountain-Climbing Brewmaster Realizes He Hates Dogs, Mountains, Beer
In a moment of inconvenient clarity atop Vesper Peak, one local man who has made his entire personality a combination of dogs, mountaineering, and brewing beer made the extremely unfortunate personal realization today that...
Local Mushroom Hunter Mounts Giant Head of Lion’s Mane Over Fireplace
To ensure everyone entering his household from this day forth knows he is at the top of the food chain in these Pacific Northwest forests, today a local mushroom hunter mounted the entire head...
Witch Coven Disappointed No One Noticed They Opened a Portal to Hell in Bellevue
Today one local witch coven is confessing their disappointment that—after all the hard work they put into celebrating Halloween with everyone this year by opening a terrifying portal to hell in Bellevue—no one's even...
Mayor Harrell Announces Police Officers Will Recite Land Acknowledgement Before Sweeping Homeless Native Americans on Indigenous Peoples’ Day
In a moving and unprecedented show of deference, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell announced he’s ensuring every police officer recites a land acknowledgment before sweeping homeless Native Americans this Indigenous Peoples’ Day.
"It is vital...
Pike Place to Improve Small Business Access by Adding Parking Inside Market
After recent debates over a car-free Pike Place Market highlighted how essential parking actually is on the small, one-way bricked street thronged with pedestrians, today the Market’s development authority said it was thrilled to...
