President Biden Visits Seattle to Fundraise, Beat the Shit Out of Macklemore
President Joe Biden arrived in Seattle Friday afternoon with a busy weekend itinerary that reportedly includes a campaign stop, several fundraisers, and challenging Macklemore to a fistfight in retaliation for his Palestine liberation protest...
Sound Transit Closes UW Station to Protect Public from Exercising, Witnessing Free Speech
Out of an abundance of caution, today Sound Transit suddenly closed its University of Washington Station to ensure the public was safely protected from using or witnessing grown American adults exercise their First Amendment...
North Bend Zebra Just Gonna Lie Low with Sasquatch Until This All Blows Over
After a stressful few days of being chased and mobbed by local paparazzi, today the North Bend Zebra is reportedly lying low in a rustic forest area retreat with Sasquatch until this all blows...
Congress Rushes to Draft Emergency Legislation on Israel-Palestine War to Ban Macklemore
Afraid support for Israel’s relentless assaults on Palestine could further wane without taking quick action, Congress is reportedly rushing to draft bipartisan emergency legislation that would once and for all ban Macklemore.
“We banned TikTok...
‘You Didn’t See Shit,’ Local Says to California Tourist Witnessing Sunny Seattle Spring
As locals basked in sunshine utterly surrounded by greenery, flowers, sparkling waters, and unbeatable snow-capped mountain views almost too beautiful together to be true, one visitor from California witnessing Seattle’s alleged secret spring was...
Chihuly Garden and Glass Shatters Museum Ceiling in Celebration of Women’s History Month
In an unforgettable show of solidarity, today Chihuly Garden and Glass ended its Women’s History Month festivities with a bang by literally shattering its own glass ceiling.
“When we told you we’d be blowing the...
SoDo Costco Adds Second Gas Station Across Parking Lot for Members Who Empty Tanks Circling for a Parking Spot
Today the SoDo Costco officially opened a second gas station on the other end of its parking lot to help out customers who keep emptying their tanks while looking for a parking spot.
“The days...
Biden Vows That Things in Gaza Would Be Different If He Was President
President Joe Biden finally took a tough stance on the continuing atrocities being committed in Gaza today, vowing that things would be very different if he was President of the United States.
“I don’t know...
Boeing Stock Rebounds After Front Half of 737 MAX Lands Safely
After countless potentially deadly mechanical issues tanked the once stellar safety reputation of the nation’s only commercial airplane manufacturer, this morning Boeing stocks finally rebounded for the first time in months after the entire...
Kinky! This Winter Rain Prefers Edging Just Above the Freezing Point to Blowing a Load of Snow
No one has made more of a splash in the Seattle kink scene this season than local BDSM queen Winter Rain, who has spent the entire season edging just above the freezing point to...
