Report: Chasing Approval of Total Dick Still Bad Idea
A groundbreaking report out today sent shockwaves throughout the will never learn their damn lesson community after it conclusively confirmed that chasing for approval from a total Capitol-D Dick is still a bad idea.
“We’re...
Aw! These Local Politicians Commented on Israel Killing an American from Seattle So the President Didn’t Have To
In a touching display of devotion toward one of the undeniably best presidents the United States has ever had, today local Washington state politicians came together to make public comments about Israel shooting Aysenur...
Boeing Threatens Striking Workers with Airline Tickets
After striking IAMAW members voted to reject the latest labor deal by 64%, Boeing is now threatening the union with airline tickets on Boeing aircrafts.
“CEO Kelly Ortberg basically just put a bloody horse head...
SPD Recruitment Test Standards Lowered to Just Coloring Inside the Thin Blue Line
With Seattle Police Department recruitment flagging despite throwing most of the city budget at them, the SPD announced plans to boost enrollment by lowering the testing standards to just coloring within the thin blue...
Everybody Run: The Cat Learned How to Hold a Knife
One local family was sent running away in a frenzied panic Tuesday night after their cat ‘Mewcifer’ suddenly learned how to hold a knife and began brandishing it menacingly around the house.
"Mewcifer, JD isn't...
WSDOT Announces Plan to Build Bridge Out of Decommissioned Ferries
After months of struggling to meet demand for sailings across Puget Sound with fewer and fewer operational ferries from its rapidly aging fleet, today WSDOT announced it actually had enough decommissioned ferries now to...
Denny Blaine Residents Furiously Texting Mayor Harrell About Oiled-Up Blue Angels Pilots Playing Beach Volleyball
The Blue Angels pilots’ attempt to unwind with a game of oiled-up beach volleyball was the source of controversy today after Denny Blaine residents texted Mayor Harrell to complain about the sizzling scene.“Brucey, it’s...
Cryptozoologists Still Hunting for Fabled ‘Defunded Police Force’
Despite years of diligent searching, local cryptozoologists report they are still struggling to produce evidence of Seattle’s mythical "Defunded Police Force."
"We've had no luck so far," said paranormal investigator and cryptozoologist Will Barnes. "Not...
PAX West Attendees Devoured by GameShark
Today tragedy struck PAX West, the largest gaming convention on the West Coast, when a number of attendees were devoured by GameShark."I don't know how to put it into words—all I can say is...
CEOs Concerned Employees Are ‘Quiet Profiting’ Off Their Labor
The business world was set into a panic today after a new report revealed CEOs have found evidence that their employees have begun doing something called “quiet profiting” off of their own labor.
“Do you...
