Amazon Cuts Out Middle Man, Will Now Steal Your Packages Themselves
Today Amazon announced their commitment to offering a full-service shopping experience, which now includes stealing deliveries right off your porch themselves."Our business model has long ensured the steady decline of mom-and-pop retailers, and now...
This Day in Seattle History: Denny Party Sticks Chewing Gum on Rock to Mark Arrival
It was on this day in November 13, 1851 that the Denny Party famously announced their arrival to the Puget Sound region by sticking a piece of chewing gum on a rock, marking the...
Bald Eagles Suddenly Renewing Their Passports
Today the Washington Fish & Wildlife Service reported a sudden and swift surge of bald eagles attempting to renew their passports over the last week.
"Usually this time of year is when the turkeys wanna...
Cash-Strapped Renter Actually Pretty Stoked About Free Eggs and Toilet Paper Thrown at House
With rents rising and grocery prices soaring, one local man was quietly thrilled after his house was vandalized with eggs and toilet paper during the Halloween season.
“I used to be pissed when the neighborhood...
5-Agency Task Force Wraps Up 5-Month Investigation with Arrest of Detergent Thief
A five-month man hunt—which involved unprecedented collaboration between five separate local, county, state and federal law enforcement agencies’ top detectives and only half of the city’s $15 million major investigations budget—has finally led to...
Mayor Harrell Proposes Surveillance Technology to Better Monitor Nudist Beach
Immediately after the Seattle City Council approved an expansion of a surveillance camera system for the Seattle Police Department, Mayor Bruce Harrell announced he’s already proposing its further expansion to the Denny Blaine Park...
Trump Declares Black Friday Is Indian and Always Has Been
In a bold move just in time for the holiday shopping season, today President-Elect Donald Trump announced that Black Friday has always been Indian, dismissing any claims to the contrary as fake news.
“Since I...
Op-ed: I’m Gretchen Wieners and, Yes, I’m Still Trying to Make ‘Uptown’ Happen
Look, I know I’m a transplant and that my opinion as the daughter of the inventor of Toaster Strudel may not mean as much around here. And I know my efforts to make “fetch”...
Washington Elects Nation’s First Fergalicious Governor
History was made tonight when Washington state elected the nation’s first-ever Fergalicious governor, Bob Ferguson.
“Our campaign and my upper back humps took our lovely little lumps, but tonight we can say we’ve finally broken...
Report: Chasing Approval of Total Dick Still Bad Idea
A groundbreaking report out today sent shockwaves throughout the will never learn their damn lesson community after it conclusively confirmed that chasing for approval from a total Capitol-D Dick is still a bad idea.
“We’re...
