Mariners Opening Day to Feature ‘Hot Dogs From Hell’ Cannon Fired Directly Into Fan’s Faces
The Seattle Mariners announced plans today to follow up on their popular Hot Dogs from Heaven promotion with a new Hot Dogs from Hell...
No One Knows If Capitol Hill Block Party Lineup Good Except This Chick We Didn’t Feel Cool Enough to Ask
Sources are confirming there’s only one person who knows if the Capitol Hill Block Party lineup that dropped today is any good and, unfortunately...
Gov. Ferguson Breaks Out the Shades for Beautiful Day of Taking Chainsaw to State Budget
Eager to take advantage of the unseasonably warm and sunny weather, today Governor Bob Ferguson broke out the shades and chainsaw to hack the...
Rescue Shelter Cats Flown in from California to Seattle Humane Already Complaining About the Mexican Food
Within 24 hours of landing in Seattle, animal shelter workers are confirming that all 19 rescue cats flown in from California are already complaining...
Ha! Local Man Spray Paints Penis On—Oh Shit, That’s a Different EV Brand
Fed up with the excuses people are making for still driving Teslas despite all the shame Elon Musk has brought upon the electric vehicle...
Amazon Cuts Out Middle Man, Will Now Steal Your Packages Themselves
Today Amazon announced their commitment to offering a full-service shopping experience, which now includes stealing deliveries right off your porch themselves."Our business model has...
RFK Jr. Debuts New Free School Lunch Program
In his first order of business after the Senate confirmed him as President Donald Trump’s Health Secretary, today RFK Jr. unveiled the nation’s first...
This Day in Seattle History: Denny Party Sticks Chewing Gum on Rock to Mark Arrival
It was on this day in November 13, 1851 that the Denny Party famously announced their arrival to the Puget Sound region by sticking...
Bald Eagles Suddenly Renewing Their Passports
Today the Washington Fish & Wildlife Service reported a sudden and swift surge of bald eagles attempting to renew their passports over the last...
Cash-Strapped Renter Actually Pretty Stoked About Free Eggs and Toilet Paper Thrown at House
With rents rising and grocery prices soaring, one local man was quietly thrilled after his house was vandalized with eggs and toilet paper during...
