DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression
After years of vacillation about whether it should be officially labeled a psychological disorder, the National Order of Psychiatrists confirmed today that they’ve added Mariners fanhood into their DSM-5 diagnostic manual of mental health...
Mariners Spotted Having Steamy Summer Fling with Winning
Move over Bennifer: Several witnesses are reporting that what initially seemed at best a one-night stand or crazy weekend on the road between the Mariners and Winning is now officially a full-on steamy summer...
Mariners Father’s Day Game Welcomes Dads to Walk on Field and Admire Well Kept Lawn
Inspired by the annual Run Around the Bases event, today the Seattle Mariners began a new Father’s Day Game tradition of inviting local dads to walk on the field and admire the stadium’s well-kept...
Mariners, Seahawks, Kraken Congratulate Sounders on Winning Their ‘Little Jamboree’
Following the Seattle Sounders’ historic achievement as the first MLS team to win the Concacaf Champions League this week, representatives from the Seattle Mariners, Seahawks, and Kraken held an impromptu press conference to congratulate...
Russell Wilson Excited to Be 5,280 Feet Closer to God
While many 12s are still crestfallen about the departure of Russell Wilson, the pious quarterback said today at practice he is riding high now that his trade to the Denver Broncos ensures he’s now...
Opening Day Postponed After Mariner Moose Refuses to Leave Breeding Mound
The Seattle Mariners' Opening Day was officially postponed today after the beloved Mariner Moose suddenly became territorial and refused to leave what he has declared his breeding mound.
“Well, folks, this is highly unusual, but...
Pete Carroll Assures Fans He Sucked All Heart, Joy, and Ability Out of Russell Wilson Before Trade
Still smarting from the loss of one of the best players the franchise has ever had, today Seahawks Pete Carroll assured Seattle football fans he sucked all the heart, joy and ability he could...
Seahawks Trade Russell Wilson for NFT of Lombardi Trophy
The Seattle sports landscape was shaken up today after it was announced that Russell Wilson, perennial Pro Bowl quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, was traded to the Denver Broncos in exchange for an NFT...
Baseball Lockout Threatens Mariners’ Missed Postseason Streak
With news that the first two series of the season have been cancelled due to the Major League Baseball (MLB) owners continued lockout of players, anxious Mariners fans worry that the team's record 20-year...
Bobsled Competitor Details Rigorous Off-season Training at Wild Waves Theme Park
Local Olympic bobsledder phenom Will Hildegaard said part of how he keeps his competitive edge year-round is his off-season training at Wild Waves Theme Park in Federal Way.
“You wouldn’t believe how some of the...
