Lou Piniella Throws Out Ceremonial First Base at All-Star Game
In a touching and nostalgic opening to tonight’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game at Seattle’s T-Mobile Park, none other than legendary former Mariners Manager Lou Piniella did the honors of throwing out the event’s...
Space Needle Responds to Kraken Loss with Impulsive Dye Job
In an effort to prove to the city that it’s absolutely “fine” and excited to turn a new leaf after the Kraken’s close Game 7 playoff loss to Dallas last night, today the Seattle...
Moose Only Mariner Invited to All-Star Game
Today Seattle baseball fans say they’re doing their best to once again overcome a familiar sense of disappointment after learning that the only Mariner who made it onto the roster for the T-Mobile Park-hosted...
Kraken Bandwagon Stuck in Queen Anne Traffic
As thousands of fans clamored into Climate Pledge Arena and nearby bars to cheer on the Kraken's exciting playoff run tonight, a full Kraken bandwagon of fans who just found out what a slapshot...
Walla Walla Back in Commission After Washington Ferries Recruit UW Crew Team
Worries that the Walla Walla might stay out of commission after a complete mechanical failure caused it to run aground on Bainbridge Island with 600 people onboard Saturday were put to rest today after...
Mariners’ Cal Raleigh Launches Line of ‘Lil’ Dumper’ Baby Diapers
Following the success of his sensational breakout season with the Mariners last year, today Cal “Big Dumper” Raleigh announced that this season he’s capitalizing on his nickname by launching his own line of “Lil’...
Determined to Seal Deal on First Stanley Cup Victory, Kraken Sign New Goalie Tonya Harding
Building off the momentum of securing their first visit to the Stanley Cup playoffs last week, today the Seattle Kraken confirmed its late-season signing of former Olympic ice skating legend Tonya Harding as the...
Chiefs’ Racist Fan Traditions Successfully Offset by NFL Renaming Super Bowl Stadium ‘Indigenous Pledge Arena’
After years of the Chiefs franchise culturally appropriating Native American/Indigenous traditions without their permission, today the NFL said it was glad to announce the franchise’s racism was successfully offset by renaming Super Bowl host...
‘Valentine’s Day Is Just a Corporate Holiday,’ Says Man Shopping for Super Bowl Party
One of Seattle’s most free-thinking men generously enlightened Broadway QFC staff and customers alike today on the capitalistic evils of Valentine’s Day while picking up Cool Ranch Doritos and Pepsi for his annual Super...
Russell Wilson Stands Outside Pete Carroll’s House with Boombox Overhead
In a stirring moment of brave devotion and vulnerability, today former Seattle franchise quarterback Russell Wilson attempted to reconnect with Pete Carroll outside the Seahawks coach's Hunts Point home by raising up a boombox...
