Judd Apatow Casts Mariners in Upcoming Flick ‘The 42-Year-Old Virgins’
Comedy film and TV producer Judd Apatow of “Knocked Up” and “Freaks and Geeks” fame missed no time at all in casting the Seattle Mariners for his next project when it became official this week that the team...
‘Championship Parades Are for Losers,’ Says Mariners Fan Who Wakes to Wet World Series Dream Daily
Asked if he attended the raucous Seattle Sounders’ MLS Cup Championship Parade through Downtown Seattle Tuesday, longtime Seattle Mariners fan Jimmy Slater said no as emphatically as the Mariner fans screamed in the pouring...
Nat-Geo Set to Document Dog Walker’s Record Leashed K9 Attempt
Legendary poo-bagging dog walker Beck Alexey confirmed today that National Geographic will be documenting his highly anticipated record-setting dog-walking attempt this weekend in Seattle’s Discovery Park.
Alexey, owner of Pawsitively Pampered Dog Walks, is determined...
Seahawks Sideline Reporter Lost In DK Metcalf’s Pecs — Eyes! Eyes
Social media was set ablaze today as an NFL sideline reporter was caught absently staring into the chest of DK Metcalf, the hulking rookie wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks.
“It was a little embarrassing...
Seattle Mariners Just Gonna Let Fan Throw Out Ceremonial First Inning, Too
As the struggling Seattle Mariners find themselves an indomitable
thirty-one games out of first place, Mariners skipper Scott Servais made the
unique call last night to just leave a local fan out on the mound following...
New Data Suggests Mariners Relievers Now Make Up 23% of Great Pacific Garbage Patch
In a joint effort between the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution, The Ocean Cleanup, and Major League Baseball, researchers have discovered that nearly a quarter of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is comprised of this...
“The Women’s World Cup Is a Joke” Says Man Who Hasn’t Seen Own Penis Since ‘97
Local sports fan Bart Thompson, whose general state of being could best be classified as a man-made environmental disaster, decided today to belittle the sporting prowess of a worldwide tournament of athletic wonders.
“Get off...
Local Man Exits 12-Year Coma, Asks How Sonics Are Doing
Swedish Medical Center – Local man Michael Ridersen, 53, miraculously woke from a 12-year coma Monday morning feeling so alert that, upon learning it was June 2019, he needed to know immediately how the...
Op-ed: Sounders Jerseys Now Feature Zulily Logo, Which is Totally Fine
I attended my first Sounders match of the season last week with a friend and noticed the front of the Sounders’ jersey now prominently features the logo for new team sponsor and women’s online...
Seattle Forced to Drive Portland to Soccer Practice
After recently acquiring a driver’s licence, Seattle is being forced to drive Portland to soccer practice this afternoon.
The news came in from a text message containing three eye-roll emojis sent by Seattle to...
