President Biden Visits Seattle to Fundraise, Beat the Shit Out of Macklemore
President Joe Biden arrived in Seattle Friday afternoon with a busy weekend itinerary that reportedly includes a campaign stop, several fundraisers, and challenging Macklemore to a fistfight in retaliation for his Palestine liberation protest...
Monster? This Man Left the Bus Before Even Kissing the Driver Goodbye
King County Metro bus riders were left speechless today after witnessing a man, who some are calling a literal monster, simply exit at his stop without even kissing the driver goodbye.
“The ingrate didn’t even...
Sound Transit Closes UW Station to Protect Public from Exercising, Witnessing Free Speech
Out of an abundance of caution, today Sound Transit suddenly closed its University of Washington Station to ensure the public was safely protected from using or witnessing grown American adults exercise their First Amendment...
North Bend Zebra Just Gonna Lie Low with Sasquatch Until This All Blows Over
After a stressful few days of being chased and mobbed by local paparazzi, today the North Bend Zebra is reportedly lying low in a rustic forest area retreat with Sasquatch until this all blows...
City Council Grants SPD $500 Million Budget for Flaming Eye Atop Space Needle That Points Toward Suspected Crimes
The Seattle City Council approved a $500 million budget today that gives the Seattle Police Department a flaming eye atop the Space Needle that points towards suspected crimes.
“The perception of public safety is our...
Publicly Threatening to Lose Your Motherfucking Shit and 5 Other Great Ways to Ask for More Civility
Guest Column by District 5 Seattle City Councilmember Cathy Moore
We live in extremely politically divisive times, and that’s why it’s more important than ever to ask for more civility by repeatedly publicly threatening to...
Pacific Place Mall Offered Up on Buy Nothing Group
After a series of unsuccessful listings elsewhere, today struggling local mall Pacific Place was spotted for offer on the Buy Nothing Downtown Seattle Facebook group.
“Give: Cool vintage late-90s mall! Recently renovated, lots of unrented...
Bellingham Changes Name to West Moses Lake in Hail Mary Attempt to Deter Transplants
Citing a drastic need to discourage transplants, Bellingham has officially changed its name to West Moses Lake in a last-ditch effort to further deter the influx of over 357,000 new residents daily.
“We wanted to...
City Council Defunds Police Again with 23% Retroactive Raise That Only Goes to 2021, Not 1851
The Seattle Police Department was once again defunded today when the Seattle City Council approved a new union contract that only secured officers six-figure starting salaries and 23% retroactive raises that only go to...
SDOT Admits It Always Thought ‘Vision Zero’ was About Getting to Zero Pedestrians
In an embarrassing and humbling admission, today the Seattle Department of Transportation confessed that for years they thought its “Vision Zero” goal had always been about getting to zero pedestrians, not zero pedestrian deaths.
“If...
