Durkan: Why Next Year’s Rainbow-Colored Tear Gas Extravaganza Will Be My Last
By Mayor Jenny Durkan
After a difficult year of handling some of the worst crises the city of Seattle has had to face in modern history, today I am announcing that next year I will...
Cat Only Ornament Left on Tree
After weeks of fending off the inevitable, Capitol Hill pet owner Beth Stalworth announced tonight that her cat is now the only ornament left on her tree.
“We did our best to protect our apartment’s...
#TBT: 5 Top-Read Posts for February
If you were buried so deep in an igloo last month that you missed last February's top-read posts, fret not:
1. Howard Schultz Promises to Move Nation's Capitol to Oklahoma City if Elected President
2....
Op-Ed: Have You Considered Mom Isn’t Getting Vaccinated Because SHE Doesn’t Want To See YOU?
That’s right, I said it: Maybe I, your mother, am “not vaccinated” yet because I’M not ready to see YOU.
My husband and I have actually been fully vaccinated since March, but there’s no way...
2021 Off to Terrifying Start as Extraterrestrial Jellyfish Claim Space Needle
Hopes that 2021 would be more calm and safe than 2020 were immediately dashed at midnight when an army of extraterrestrial jellyfish claimed Seattle’s landmark crown jewel, the Space Needle, as their own.
“Right as...
Voters Pass Mental Healthcare Levy for People Who Always Think They’re Gonna Find Parking on Capitol Hill
Today’s latest ballot drop confirmed Seattle voters have approved a long-needed levy aimed at boosting mental health resources specifically for people who always think they’re gonna find parking on Capitol Hill.
“A lot of us...
Manager Horrified to Discover Intern Left in Office During Pandemic Now Feral
A sales manager at a South Lake Union office was left horrified today after discovering his intern had gone feral after he was accidentally left in the office for 16 months during the COVID-19...
National Guard Summoned as Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition Enters 5th Day
After an endless volley of Christmas song choruses entered its fifth day at Pike Place Market, today Seattle officials finally called in the National Guard to disrupt an ongoing stalemate at this year’s fierce...
Supreme Court Votes 6-3 to Officially Change Market Name to Pike’s Place
People all over Seattle today were horrified to discover that, hidden amongst last week’s unpopular Supreme Court decisions, was a 6-3 vote that has officially changed the name of Seattle’s famous market to Pike’s...
