Hopes that 2021 would be more calm and safe than 2020 were immediately dashed at midnight when an army of extraterrestrial jellyfish claimed Seattle’s landmark crown jewel, the Space Needle, as their own.
“Right as I thought we were starting off on a blank, more hopeful slate, their neon tentacles came down from the sky and completely surrounded the Space Needle taking it from us forever – I mean WTF?!” said Terry Danielsen from her Beacon Hill doorway. “I saw it all go down live online with my own two eyes. It was horrifying. And the soft trance music they were playing while they were committing their heist? Please tell me they were just filming another horrible Ocean’s 11 sequel.”
Jellyfish Galactic Overlord Electronica Rainbow said she doesn’t understand what all the human fuss is about.
“We are merely reclaiming what is ours,” said Rainbow. “You did notice the top of the structure has always looked exactly like an alien spaceship, right? That’s because it is. We mean you no harm. Now merely unhand our brothers and sisters at the Seattle Aquarium and we’ll at least leave Jeff Bezos with you.”
At press time, masses of people were rushing to the aquarium’s jellyfish collection to form a human barricade between it and the celestial hydrozoan overlords at once.
