UW Frats Mandate Beer Bongs Must Be at Least 6 Feet Long
Following its second outbreak that now includes more than 200 students, University of Washington fraternities announced that from now on they will be mandating...
Local Idiot Thought Presidential Debate Would be Perfect Way to End Gorgeous Autumn Day
To cap a day of golden sunshine and clear blue skies so glorious it may have beat the best weather days of spring and...
Postmaster General Removes Mailbox Peak
Following orders from President Donald Trump to do anything necessary to sabotage mail-in voting operations for the presidential election this November, newly appointed United...
Plume of White Tear Gas Rising from City Hall Signals New Police Chief Has Been Chosen
Within 24 hours of the Seattle City Council defunding the local police budget and Police Chief Carmen Best's resignation, a plume of white tear...
Model Citizen Stakes Out Ballot Drop to Inform Stragglers He Voted Weeks Ago
August primary voters rushing to turn in their ballots at a Wallingford drop box at the last minute were aided tonight by local Good...
Federal Officers Deployed After Radicalized Mom Cell Discovered in Joann Fabrics
Following a night of courageously teargassing Portland’s peaceful Wall of Moms, federal officers have now arrived in Seattle to thwart another cabal of...
Endangered Robosaurus Population Returns to Empty Tacoma Dome, Puyallup Fairgrounds
As the ongoing pandemic has kept most residents in the safety of their own homes, local animal populations continue to reclaim native habitats including...
Officer Just Likes to Watch
While many of its police officers have been accused of excessive force and a wanton disregard for the right to peacefully protest, the Seattle...
Local Man Assumed He’d Have Couple More Phases to Work on Summer Bod
After months of eating junk and binge-watching Netflix on his couch, one doughy local man says he’s been blindsided by the sudden and simultaneous...
Mega Yacht in Elliott Bay Sure Sign Some Fucked Up Rich Guy Shit Going Down
A glamorous mega-yacht has made a surprise appearance in Elliott Bay overnight, leaving curious Seattle residents and local reporters to speculate what kind of...
