Spoiled Brat Riding Out Rest of 2020 in Womb
While the entire world collectively suffered the wrath of 2020, one spoiled unborn brat is reportedly on track for sparing himself the misery of...
PNW Thanks Hawaii for Handling ‘Volcano Eruption’ on 2020 Bingo Cards
Residents across the Pacific Northwest expressed relief today that Hawaii stepped up overnight to handle the inevitable 2020 Bingo call-out for the “volcano eruption”...
Tacoma PD Claims Officer ‘Feared for New Paint Job’ Before Plowing Car Into Crowd
Although videos of a Tacoma police officer ramming his cruiser through a crowd over the weekend look and sound disturbing, local police union president...
CEO Assures MLK Would Have Wanted You to Work Today
In and inspiring e-mail to staff who mandatorily worked on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, CEO of local tech firm HustleCorps assured his employees...
Sick Bastards Put Tree in Living Room Just to Watch Something Slowly Die
A local neighborhood is in shock today after reports that, a mere two days into December, a group of truly sick bastards have already...
SPD Officers at DC Capitol Riot Placed on Paid Administrative Leave to Riot White House
Interim Seattle Police Chief Adrian Diaz has swiftly reprimanded several Seattle police officers who attended the Capitol riots in Washington, D.C. last week with...
Republican House Representative Furious Attempted Coup Delayed Her Attempted Coup
Republican Washington State Representative Cathy McMorris Rodgers announced she’s furious that a giant mob’s action-packed attempted coup of the nation’s Capitol Wednesday delayed and...
Neighbors Still Setting Off Annoying Virtual Light Shows at 2 a.m.
Even several days after New Years, Columbia City resident Michael McFarlane says his neighbors are still rudely setting off bright virtual light shows from...
The Needling’s 2020 Real Fake News Corrections: We Regret the Accuracy
Here at The Needling we strive to uphold our credibility as a real fake news organization that only reports real fake news. Unfortunately sometimes...
Washington State Decriminalizes Murder of Left Lane Slowpokes
Deafening cheers filled the streets Monday evening when Measure 187 passed in a special election with over 98 percent of Washingtonians voting in favor...
