Neighbors Still Setting Off Annoying Virtual Light Shows at 2 a.m.
Even several days after New Years, Columbia City resident Michael McFarlane says his neighbors are still rudely setting off bright virtual light shows from...
The Needling’s 2020 Real Fake News Corrections: We Regret the Accuracy
Here at The Needling we strive to uphold our credibility as a real fake news organization that only reports real fake news. Unfortunately sometimes...
Washington State Decriminalizes Murder of Left Lane Slowpokes
Deafening cheers filled the streets Monday evening when Measure 187 passed in a special election with over 98 percent of Washingtonians voting in favor...
Man Returns to Toilet Paper Fort as Seattle Re-Enters Lockdown
Following Governor Inslee’s new lockdown order, a local man has returned to defending the toilet-paper quarantine fortress that engulfed his former living room earlier...
Cat Only Ornament Left on Tree
After weeks of fending off the inevitable, Capitol Hill pet owner Beth Stalworth announced tonight that her cat is now the only ornament left...
Wow! This Rare Arctic Snowy Owl Would Really Appreciate You Putting the Binoculars Down, Creep
A rare Arctic snowy owl roosting on a Queen Anne rooftop has been wowing local birdwatchers with her delicate white feathers, long wings and...
Gingerbread House Construction Delayed by Building Permit Backlog
Aspiring
gingerbread homeowner Hunter Franz, age 6, was devastated today when Mom of the
House confirmed that his custom-built vision would likely not get building
permits until...
‘The Virus is a Hoax,’ Says Local Saint Giving You Place in Line for Life-Saving Vaccination
As Seattle’s first round of COVID-19 vaccination shots arrived today, local good Samaritan and conspiracy theorist Doug Fenley proudly announced that he would kindly...
5 Ways to Be as Optimistic as a Cyclist Taking Up an Entire Lane of Traffic at Night
It can be hard to maintain optimism in a year like 2020. Fortunately, we have cyclists so optimistic about their chances of surviving another...
Four Horsemen of Apocalypse Delayed by Maze of One-Way Downtown Streets
KOMO is now reporting that the complete and utter destruction of Emerald City has been delayed indefinitely as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse...
