Mayor Harrell to Extend Eviction Moratorium So Everyone Has Time to Move into Their Vacation Houses
After much anticipation over whether renters financially ravaged by the pandemic would suddenly be facing the end of Seattle’s eviction moratorium this weekend on Jan. 15, today new Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell assured everyone...
Man Stuck in Aurora COVID Test Line Hoping to Make it Past Home Depot by Next Variant
With COVID cases surging and the Aurora testing line backed up for miles, one local man is holding out hope that he can make it to the home stretch past Home Depot by the...
Ann Davison Disbarred from Garfield High School Mock Trial
Ann Davison, Seattle’s City Attorney-elect, was permanently disbarred from Garfield High’s mock trial team today when she kept interrupting a fictional murder trial to talk about Brazilian jiu-jitsu and that one time decades ago...
Durkan Gives Farewell Speech to Supporter
Today, on one of her last days in office, embattled Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan gave an impassioned farewell speech to a sitting room only crowd of her single supporter.
“I swear I sent mass text...
The Needling’s Top 2021 Headlines
Although it’s hard to say which of The Needling’s 2021 headlines delivered the best of Seattle’s Only Real Fake News because we grew and added so many new followers this last year, here are...
‘Gender Pay Gaps Persist,’ Reports Newsroom Where Gender Pay Gaps Persist
Despite the inauguration of the first female Vice President in United States history earlier this year proving both sexism and racism are pretty much over, wide gender pay gaps somehow continue to exist according...
Elf Escapes, Recounts Harrowing Time in Captivity at Tacoma Elf Storage
For years, “Tacoma Elf Storage” was thought to be a fun, holiday lark by the owners of Tacoma Self Storage, but after a daring escape tonight, Gumdrop the Elf tells another story about life...
Local Midwesterner Rolls Eyes at Seattleites’ Inability to Drive in a Tornado
As surprise tornado warnings kept Western Washington residents cowering inside their homes today, one Missouri transplant is scoffing at Seattleites’ pathetic inability to drive inside a shearing pillar of wind.
“You should have seen the...
NextDoor User Reports Pervert Standing Outside Wearing Nothing but Top Hat and Scarf
The popular nosy neighbor app NextDoor is buzzing with concern today after a user reported warnings of an alleged pervert in the neighborhood wearing nothing but a top hat and a scarf.
“Last night at...
SPD Sweeps Homeless Encampment
Seattle police reclaimed another green space tonight, sweeping an encampment that had sprouted up on the lawn of Capitol Hill’s Central Lutheran Church.
“We had performed exhaustive outreach to the unhoused living in the encampment,...
