First-Time Voter Prematurely Casts Ballot Before Arriving at Box
With all the best intentions of creating more joy in the world, today one local first-time voter sheepishly admitted to prematurely casting his ballot...
Galentine’s Day Gathering Picked Off One ‘U Up?’ Text at a Time
A thriving Galentine’s Day gathering has gone awry this evening as
a volley of romantic ‘u up?’ texts have wooed away its attendees one by...
Great Wheel Operator Pushes Forbidden TURBO Button
Seattle Waterfront— After celebrating six years of working behind the control panel of the iconic Seattle Great Wheel tonight, 42-year-old operator Mary Jo Flaherty’s...
Fremont Troll Has Catalytic Converter Stolen from VW Bug
Seattle’s beloved Fremont Troll announced today that even he has now had his car’s catalytic converter stolen from literally right under his nose.
“Unbelievable—one second...
REI Severance Package Includes Exclusive Coupon for 20% Off Your Next $100 Purchase
This week the 8% of the REI Co-op headquarters staff being laid off due to “increasing uncertainty” were relieved and even a little delighted...
Black History Month Festival Permits Awarded to City’s Most Gentrified Neighborhood
Just in time for Black History Month, Seattle’s most gentrified neighborhood announced today that later this month they’ll be hosting a festival in Central...
Local Family Celebrates Christmas Almost Satisfying as Watching This Year’s Queen Anne Sedan Snow Slam
Today local family The Harrisons basked in the glow of a Christmas Day so lovely, cozy and full of holiday cheer that it was...
Gov. Jay Inslee Mandates All Gifts for Bad Children Be Carbon-neutral by 2030
At a press conference in front of Climate Pledge Arena today, Governor Jay Inslee announced that he’s officially mandating Santa replace all coal he’s...
Sound Transit’s Parents Laughing Hysterically After Reading Letter to Santa Asking for Working Escalators
The parents of Sound Transit were overheard howling with merriment tonight as they read the transportation agency’s letter to Santa Claus asking for operational...
Move Over Bezos Balls: Here Comes Andy Jassy’s Glassy Assy
Move over Bezos Balls! CEO Andy Jassy has announced today that the mass Amazon layoffs will soon fund the region's newest vanity project, a...
