State of Washington Gives Up, Will Change Name to Seattle
Tired of explaining that they do not live in the District of Columbia or an amorphous city-state that stretches from the Pacific Ocean to Iowa, all Washington State residents announced today that they will...
‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Author Reveals Book Inspired by Sadomasochistic Relationship with E-Line Bus
In an exclusive interview with The Needling, Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James revealed her best-selling series was actually inspired by a brief but thrilling sadomasochistic relationship she once had with the RapidRide...
Beautiful Day to Work Outside Abruptly Ended by 1-Degree Temperature Change
A beautiful spring day to work outside while enjoying the full sun and peak cherry-tree blooms came to an abrupt halt this afternoon in Seattle when the temperature suddenly changed by an entire single...
Remote Worker Saving Environment by Stationary Biking to Work
Committing to never harm the environment by driving a car to work again, today local remote employee Jimmy Stills vowed the only way he’s ever getting to work again from now on is by...
OneBusAway Finally Adds ‘Never’ Notification for When Your Bus Has Fallen into the Void
Today’s new update to the OneBusAway app added a much-requested feature that now lists the arrival time status for buses as “never” whenever they have by all indications fallen into a deep cavity of...
Sound Transit’s New Escher-lators Broken in Three Different Planes of Existence
Sound Transit’s rollout of their new multi-directional conveyance system was spoiled today after its newly installed escher-lators already broke down in three different planes of existence.
“It’s going to be impossible to fix the sideways...
Mount Rainier Expected to Let Out Little Fart in Celebration of Ash Wednesday
Geologists surprised and overjoyed Catholics across the PNW today when they announced this morning that Mount Rainier plans to let out a little toot this afternoon in celebration of Ash Wednesday.
“I’m not sure everyone...
Google Nest Outside of Ballard Home Captures 400+ Rabid Raccoon Selfies
This week a local Ballard couple who installed a Google Nest cam to make their home safer discovered it had instead mostly just become a selfie station for one raccoon so rabid its more...
Giant Hole in Front of Seattle City Hall Finally Converted into Giant Ball Pit
Finally giving up all hopes of a developer ever building anything inside the empty, gaping hole that’s been sitting in front of Seattle City Hall for almost two decades, today the city announced it...
Jeff Bezos’ Dog Walker Forced to Also Pee on Fire Hydrant
As conditions in Amazon facilities continue to come under fire, Jeff Bezos’ personal dog walker has stepped forward to reveal that he’s also forced to quickly pee on fire hydrants during walks.
“I know I...
