Former SPD Chief Carmen Best’s Team at Microsoft Launches Text Deleter 365
A year and a half after being named Microsoft’s Director of Global Security Risk Operations, today Carmen Best—former Seattle Police Chief during 2020 protests...
SPD Warns that Without More Funding It May Not Be Able to Afford Killing As Many Innocent People Next Year
Today the Seattle Police Officers Guild issued a dire warning to the city that, without significantly more funding, it may not be able to...
Google Maps to Now Reroute Seattle Drivers Through Spokane
Seattle drivers asking Google Maps for the quickest way to avoid traffic across town are reporting that they are now finding themselves rerouted through...
Report: Architects Just as Confused by Rainier Tower as We Are
Decades after the construction of a downtown Seattle skyscraper long-touted as one of the most structurally sound buildings on the West Coast, architects are...
Disgruntled Local Bus Driver Lowers Ramp at Every Stop Just to Piss Everyone Off
Veteran King County Metro driver Bernard Davis is in hot water with no less than five Route 48 riders for continually using the accessibility...
Discovery Park Blackberry Bushes Pick Off Straggling Jogger
A relaxing after-work jog turned deadly for one man today after he fell behind his jogging pack and was picked off by the voracious...
Eligible Voter Sitting Out Local Primary So They Can Hate General Election Options Enough to Not Vote in That Either
In what experts at democracy are calling a move of pure genius, local eligible voter Noah Clark is sitting out today’s local primary election...
‘I’m from Seattle,’ Says Liar from Shoreline
In an astonishingly false statement, today local Shoreline resident Jeffrey Willows announced to a set of strangers that he is from Seattle.
The statement came...
Fremont Troll Reinstates Bridge Toll
Citing the skyrocketing cost of living in Seattle, today the Fremont Troll announced he’s officially reinstated his bridge toll.
Not everyone will have to pay...
12 Hospitalized After Gum Wall’s ‘Take a Piece, Leave a Piece’ Promotion
A “Take a Piece, Leave a Piece” promotion at Seattle’s Gum Wall that failed to specify which gum tourists were supposed to take has...
