DEA Classifies Molly Moon’s as Schedule 1 Drug
Citing its high overdose potential, today the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) officially added Molly Moon’s ice cream to its list of Schedule 1 substances.
“Molly Moon’s is widely available, economically priced, and appealing — especially...
Poll: Most Americans Would Rather Be Eaten By Sharks Than Live Through This Election
A new Discovery Channel poll today reveals a significant majority of likely American voters would prefer being devoured alive by sharks rather than live through the rest of the 2024 election season.
"Asked if they’d...
Mount Rainier No Longer Accepting Walk-Ins
After trying for too long to accommodate her growing social media popularity and worldwide fame, Mount Rainier has for the first time stationed a “No Walk-ins” sandwich board at her National Park entrances.
“Honey, look,...
Man Protesting Drag Brunch Actually Just Protesting Brunch
This morning a man many thought was a homophobe as he loudly protested a Pride Weekend drag brunch on Capitol Hill was reportedly actually just protesting brunch.
“As God as my witness, there is nothing...
Bite of Seattle Promises Wide Variety of Zero Bites from Seattle
Featuring a wide variety of franchised food truck vendors from LA to Orange County, the Bite of Seattle’s new California-based owner and operator says this weekend’s exciting foodie event at Seattle Center promises attendees...
Fremont Solstice Parade Bike Seats Tell Us What They Love Most About Eating Ass
So all of your queer and Gen Z friends have told you to not knock til you try it—but you still haven’t tried it: eating ass. Maybe you’re still skeptical that eating someone’s crack...
Uber Promises Big Tip If Sara Nelson Delivers Their Agenda On Time
With a vote on the rollback of the gig worker minimum wage bill expected as soon as next week, Uber is reportedly offering to leave a generous tip if Seattle City Council President Sara...
Only Uncoupled Sibling on Family Vacation Asked If They Mind Sleeping in Pantry
In a turn of events that surprised no one except himself, local son William Briggs was politely asked by his parents during their annual long Memorial Day Weekend family vacation today if he—as the...
Wallingford Foodies with BLM Bumper Sticker Just Haven’t Had Time to Try Neighborhood’s Only Black-Owned Restaurant
Today white Wallingford foodies Lauren and Chris Stein said that five years after they plastered a Black Lives Matter bumper sticker to their Subaru Forester, they’re still struggling to find the time to try...
Climate Pledge Arena’s New Earth Day Promo Just $19 Beer Poured Directly into Your Cupped Hands
Environmental win! Climate Pledge Arena has reportedly made good on its namesake today after announcing a new planet-friendly promo for Earth Day offering a $19 beer poured directly into your cupped hands.
“What’s more reusable...
