Single Man at Brewery Without Dog or Kids Getting Weird Looks From Everybody
A single man’s trip to a local brewery reportedly became awkward today after the absence of a dog or children in tow prompted weird...
‘I Come Out Here to Get Away from It All,’ Says Woman Waiting for Phone to Recharge in Campground Bathroom
One local woman spending a relaxing week camping out in the middle of nature at Cape Disappointment State Park reflected today on how amazing...
Costco Hot Dogs Go on Strike to Protest No Raises Since 1985
Demanding what they call “Food Court Justice,” today Coscto’s famously cheap frankfurters have gone on-strike as they demand their first cost-of-hot-dog increase in 39...
Canadian Border Patrol Sets Up Checkpoint In Vancouver, Wash. to Make Lost Idiots Feel Better
Out of an abundance of pity and politeness toward Americans with seemingly no grasp of geography, today the Canadian Border Patrol announced it would...
Worn-Out Rick Steves Recommends Indefinite Staycation in Edmonds
After years
of traveling as the eponymous host of Rick Steves’ Europe, the erudite guide
who once encouraged audiences to venture off the beaten path announced...
New Study Shows Mystery Liquid at Bottom of Kayak 90% White Claw and Pee
University of Washington researchers published a landmark study today confirming that the lukewarm, beige slurry that’s been sloshing around at the bottom of your...
DEA Classifies Molly Moon’s as Schedule 1 Drug
Citing its high overdose potential, today the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) officially added Molly Moon’s ice cream to its list of Schedule 1 substances.
“Molly...
Poll: Most Americans Would Rather Be Eaten By Sharks Than Live Through This Election
A new Discovery Channel poll today reveals a significant majority of likely American voters would prefer being devoured alive by sharks rather than live...
Mount Rainier No Longer Accepting Walk-Ins
After trying for too long to accommodate her growing social media popularity and worldwide fame, Mount Rainier has for the first time stationed a...
Man Protesting Drag Brunch Actually Just Protesting Brunch
This morning a man many thought was a homophobe as he loudly protested a Pride Weekend drag brunch on Capitol Hill was reportedly actually...
