Flocks of White Women Seen Flying North As Pumpkin Spice Season Begins
Birdwatchers across the Pacific Northwest grabbed their binoculars and set their eyes on the skies in hopes of catching a glimpse of the migratory...
Dick Pic Text Autocorrects Eggplant Emoji to Carrot
In an unprecedented advancement of smartphone technology, today one local man’s dick pic text autocorrected an eggplant emoji to a carrot.
“What the fuck? I...
Gardener Convinced Green Tomatoes Just Fucking With Her Now
After patiently doting on her tomatoes all summer and waiting for them to turn red whenever they were ready, today Bellevue gardener Roberta Nielson...
Orcas Offer Food to Humans After Becoming Aware of the Horror That Is the Seattle Hot Dog
Marine mammal researchers at the University of Washington have determined the likely cause for orcas bringing food to boaters is a primal disgust and...
Idiot Buys Blackberries at the Store
Several sources are reporting that a local idiot allegedly drove and walked straight past no less than three million free ripe blackberries growing literally...
Childless Couple Asked to Leave Columbia City Farmers Market
Today a couple who had the audacity to sit on a nearby picnic blanket eating fresh, local fruits and goodies in peace was kicked...
Plot to Force Venice Bezos Wedding Relocation Onto Yacht All Going According to Plan
Protesters say a plot to force Jeff Bezos’ wedding to relocate from any of Venice's famous landmarks onto a yacht is all going according...
Minnesota Dad Unconvinced That Seattle Isn’t on the Coast
Despite pleadings from a son who has lived in Seattle for more than a decade, Minnesota father of five Tim Edwards remains resolute in...
McMenamins to Challenge Itself by Restoring Historic Tacoma K-Mart
Oregon-based McMenamins—known for restoring historic PNW properties into nostalgia-packed bars and hotels—announced today they’re going to fuck around with an abandoned K-Mart in Tacoma...
Bezos Honors Amazon Workers by Toasting with Employee Pee Bottle
In a heartfelt tribute to the workforce that made his empire possible, today Amazon founder Jeff Bezos raised a vintage bottle of Amazon employee...
