Boeing Offers Vouchers to Stranded Astronauts
After making multiple calls to Boeing to see how they can finally get home as soon as possible, the company generously offered the two Starliner astronauts who have been stranded at the International Space...
Single Man at Brewery Without Dog or Kids Getting Weird Looks From Everybody
A single man’s trip to a local brewery reportedly became awkward today after the absence of a dog or children in tow prompted weird looks from everyone at the family friendly establishment.
“I just came...
‘I Come Out Here to Get Away from It All,’ Says Woman Waiting for Phone to Recharge in Campground Bathroom
One local woman spending a relaxing week camping out in the middle of nature at Cape Disappointment State Park reflected today on how amazing it is to just get away from it all as...
Costco Hot Dogs Go on Strike to Protest No Raises Since 1985
Demanding what they call “Food Court Justice,” today Coscto’s famously cheap frankfurters have gone on-strike as they demand their first cost-of-hot-dog increase in 39 years.
“Our $1.50 price in 1985 is worth at least $4.40...
Canadian Border Patrol Sets Up Checkpoint In Vancouver, Wash. to Make Lost Idiots Feel Better
Out of an abundance of pity and politeness toward Americans with seemingly no grasp of geography, today the Canadian Border Patrol announced it would be setting up a checkpoint 300 miles south of Vancouver,...
Worn-Out Rick Steves Recommends Indefinite Staycation in Edmonds
After years
of traveling as the eponymous host of Rick Steves’ Europe, the erudite guide
who once encouraged audiences to venture off the beaten path announced today his
show will now focus on his indefinite staycation where...
New Study Shows Mystery Liquid at Bottom of Kayak 90% White Claw and Pee
University of Washington researchers published a landmark study today confirming that the lukewarm, beige slurry that’s been sloshing around at the bottom of your kayak consists of 90% White Claw and pee.
“We’ve analyzed the...
DEA Classifies Molly Moon’s as Schedule 1 Drug
Citing its high overdose potential, today the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) officially added Molly Moon’s ice cream to its list of Schedule 1 substances.
“Molly Moon’s is widely available, economically priced, and appealing — especially...
Poll: Most Americans Would Rather Be Eaten By Sharks Than Live Through This Election
A new Discovery Channel poll today reveals a significant majority of likely American voters would prefer being devoured alive by sharks rather than live through the rest of the 2024 election season.
"Asked if they’d...
Mount Rainier No Longer Accepting Walk-Ins
After trying for too long to accommodate her growing social media popularity and worldwide fame, Mount Rainier has for the first time stationed a “No Walk-ins” sandwich board at her National Park entrances.
“Honey, look,...
