Recipe for Three-Day Existential Carrot Soup

Three days to make a carrot soup may sound like a big commitment, but the tasty results and hours of contemplation about the nature...

CDC Advises Public to Avoid People Who Go On Cruises

Amid fears that the Coronavirus may spread internationally, today the Center of Disease Control urged the general public to obnoxiously cover their mouths every...

Death Toll Climbs in Ballard Dessert Shop Turf War

Fighting between factions of Ballard’s trendy dessert establishments continued to escalate this week with no signs of abating. The Hot Cakes and Frankie &...

Vegan Wants Authentic Southern Food Experience

Moments after being seated at Junebaby, Ravenna’s James Beard Award-winning Southern food restaurant, vegan Jenny Park formally announced to her friend and server that...

Lake View Cemetery Pop-Up Christmas Market Actually Kinda Dope

Critics skeptical of the controversial location for this weekend’s Lake View Cemetery Pop-up Christmas Market were quickly quieted after realizing that it was actually kinda dope. “I...

Pike Place Market Workers Begin Throwing Impossible Salmon

Pike Place Market’s famous fishmongers began a new Seattle tradition this week with the hurling of Impossible Salmon, the latest meat-like lab-made concoction from vegan-friendly company Impossible...

Single Xmas-Light Tumbleweed Rolls Down Abandoned Leavenworth Main Street

An eerie quiet has fallen over the festive town of Leavenworth as holiday crowds have abandoned the snowbound mountain hamlet, leaving only a lone, tangled tumbleweed...

Seattle Woman Spending Thanksgiving in Spokane Spontaneously Combusts

A Thanksgiving visit back to her parents’ home in Spokane turned tragic for Seattle woman and lifelong Democrat Leah Perkins, 31, when she spontaneously combusted into...

Beth’s Cafe Celebrates 10,000th Heart Attack

Seattle’s favorite greasy spoon since 1954 and home of the 12-egg omelet, Beth’s Café, proudly announced today that it had reached its 10,000th customer...

King County Public Health Officials Add Mr. Yuk Rating

In an effort to even better assist restaurant patrons with making wise dining choices, Public Health Seattle & King County announced today the addition...