Seattle Woman Spending Thanksgiving in Spokane Spontaneously Combusts
A Thanksgiving visit back to her parents’ home in
Spokane turned tragic for Seattle woman and lifelong Democrat Leah Perkins, 31,
when she spontaneously combusted into flames shortly after a non-pasture-raised
turkey was served.
“One moment we...
Beth’s Cafe Celebrates 10,000th Heart Attack
Seattle’s favorite greasy spoon since 1954 and home of the 12-egg omelet, Beth’s Café, proudly announced today that it had reached its 10,000th customer heart attack.
The achievement is a record-breaking milestone long coveted...
King County Public Health Officials Add Mr. Yuk Rating
In an effort to even better assist restaurant patrons with making wise dining choices, Public Health Seattle & King County announced today the addition of a Mr. Yuk rating to its emoji-inspired food safety...
Caffé Vita Relents; Employees Can Now Give Pastries To Homeless If Thrown Really Hard
In response to the firing of ten employees for the grotesque shame the company suffered when rogue baristas recklessly distributed old coffee and stale pastries to the city’s vulnerable homeless population, Caffé Vita announced...
Seattle Aquarium Unveils Thanksgiving ‘Orc-Porp-Phin’ Feast for Wealthy Donors
A clandestine Thanksgiving tradition was uncovered this week, as intrepid Needling reporters revealed that a cabal of wealthy Seattle Aquarium donors were treated to an Orc-Porp-Phin feast comprised of three endangered aquatic mammals tastefully...
PCC Markets to Host Gluten-Themed Haunted House
Local clean-eating co-op grocer PCC Community Markets announced today that every Saturday in October they’ll be transforming its Fremont store into a spooky haunted house called “Frankenfood Manor.”
“You start in an aisle labelled...
Seattle Pizza Week Extended to Seattle Pizza Year for Dave
Citywide purveyors of Seattle Pizza Week’s $2 slice extravaganza have confirmed that last week’s annual event has officially been extended into Pizza Year for Dave.
“Yeah,
I think this is – what is it? About...
Everett Bikini Barista Stand Revealed As Stealth Starbucks
A full decade after the Capitol Hill 15th Avenue Coffee & Tea Raid of 2009, the Stealth Starbucks concept has struck again – this time in Everett where raging customers just discovered the truth...
Local Psychopaths Camping This Weekend
According to inside sources, certified crazy people Shyan Burke and Mikaela Hopkins of Fremont have already headed up to the mountains this weekend to “get back to nature."
Fellow Fremont resident Ruby told The Needling
that...
Man Takes Son to Niagara Falls
This weekend a local father and son bonded before the thundering and majestic waters of Niagara Falls, located just 45 minutes east of Seattle.
“We didn’t load up on Fig Newton carbs during our...
