Ivar’s Restaurants Release 50,000 Pounds of Fried Prawns Back Into Ocean For Earth Day
In an impassioned and excessive display of environmentalism, local restaurant chain, Ivar’s, released 50,000 pounds of fried prawns into the Puget Sound for Earth Day.
Studies have shown that, similar to humans, the Earth itself...
Local Mom Blows Dust Off Uneaten Marshmallow Peeps for 7th Straight Year
Continuing an Easter tradition like no other, today one local Mom retrieved the uneaten marshmallow peeps from a box in the garage and blew the dust off them before placing them in her children’s...
Sick Bastard Puts Olive Oil in Coffee and Then Restricts Bathroom Access
As Howard Schultz prepares to take a bow at Starbucks, the CEO announced his final act would be infusing coffee with olive oil in a new specialty drink called the Oleato released nationwide today,...
Aw! These Oregonians Think Mount Hood Is Worth Taking Pictures Of
One Seattle resident’s quick work trip down to Portland this week led to the discovery of Oregonians who think Mount Hood is actually worth taking photos of and they’re adorable!
“Oh my God, look at...
Man in Head-to-Toe Carhartt Must Be Heading to Coal Mine After Shift at Vegan Dog Bakery
Customers at a local vegan dog bakery were impressed by the gritty work ethic of one of its Carhartt-clad employees, who everyone assumes must be heading to a nearby coal mine after his shift.
“I...
Male Orca? This Man Is Only Still Alive Because His Mother Feeds Him Salmon Every Day
A recent scientific report confirming that male southern resident orcas stay completely dependent on their mothers feeding them for their entire life has some researchers wondering whether a local 37-year-old man might actually be...
New Canlis Menu Written by ChatGPT Promises ‘Cunnilingus Adventure for Your Taste Birds’
No stranger to experimentation, famed dining destination Canlis reportedly asked AI chatbot ChatGPT to write tonight’s special menu, but discovered they might have a few kinks to work out after the program produced a...
Local FBI Agent Confused, Disappointed by Pi Day Celebrations
Local FBI Agent Dale Cooper went on record today to say that despite today, March 14, allegedly being Pi Day, he was disappointed to admit his investigation of local festivities didn’t even turn up...
Dick’s to Celebrate 69th Birthday with 69-cent Milkshakes
Seattle’s beloved Dick’s announced it’s celebrating its 69th birthday this week with 69-cent milkshakes.
“We usually sell 19-cent burgers for our annual Burger Day anniversaries—the same price our burgers were when we first opened in...
Inflation Woes Continue as Beth’s Cafe 12-Egg Omelette Now Costs $37,000
Inflation woes continued to mount today as diners excited for Beth’s Cafe grand re-opening were shocked to find that the surging price of eggs had resulted in their 12-egg omelette now costing $37,000.
“I should...
