Seattle Mariners Apologize for ‘Geoduck Run’ Mascot Race
Although it had initially hoped to capitalize on the success of their new “Salmon Run” race with another sea-animal themed sprint, today the Seattle...
Centralia Spontaneously Combusts Following Trump Verdict
Following the announcement that Donald Trump was found guilty on all 34 counts in the former President’s hush-money case, conservative stronghold Centralia reportedly spontaneously...
Uber Promises Big Tip If Sara Nelson Delivers Their Agenda On Time
With a vote on the rollback of the gig worker minimum wage bill expected as soon as next week, Uber is reportedly offering to...
Report: 90% of Prospective Seattle Homebuyers Have Settled For Kent, They Just Don’t Know It Yet
A new report released today confirms that no less than 90 percent of prospective Seattle homebuyers have actually settled for Kent even though they...
President Biden Visits Seattle to Fundraise, Beat the Shit Out of Macklemore
President Joe Biden arrived in Seattle Friday afternoon with a busy weekend itinerary that reportedly includes a campaign stop, several fundraisers, and challenging Macklemore...
City Council Grants SPD $500 Million Budget for Flaming Eye Atop Space Needle That Points Toward Suspected Crimes
The Seattle City Council approved a $500 million budget today that gives the Seattle Police Department a flaming eye atop the Space Needle that...
Climate Pledge Arena’s New Earth Day Promo Just $19 Beer Poured Directly into Your Cupped Hands
Environmental win! Climate Pledge Arena has reportedly made good on its namesake today after announcing a new planet-friendly promo for Earth Day offering a...
Local Deer Gonna Treat Self to Fanciful Little Frolic on Dimly Lit Road
In a heartwarming act of self-care, one local deer decided it was going to de-stress today by treating itself to a jaunty little stroll...
Man Achieves Nuclear Fusion Breakthrough With Extra 5 Minutes Boss ‘Gave Back’ to Him After Meeting Ended Early
A stunning scientific milestone was achieved today after a Seattle-based graphic designer achieved stable nuclear fusion generation with the extra time their boss "gave...
New Supercharged Light Rail Escalators Launch Passengers Straight From Northgate to Angle Lake
Ahead of the new northside stations opening this summer, today Sound Transit announced that it has upgraded its escalators with a supercharger that will...
