Opening Day Postponed After Mariner Moose Refuses to Leave Breeding Mound
The Seattle Mariners' Opening Day was officially postponed today after the beloved Mariner Moose suddenly became territorial and refused to leave what he has...
Howard Schultz Enacts Anti-Union ‘Don’t Say Pay’ Policy at Starbucks
In an effort to curb a burgeoning unionization movement, today Starbucks Interim CEO Howard Schultz announced he’s instituting a “Don’t Say Pay” policy at...
KOMO News Wordle Just ‘CRIME’ Again
Word puzzle enthusiasts woke up this morning to discover that the daily KOMORDLE, the KOMO News version of the national sensation Wordle, was just...
KOMO Special Report: Psst, Hey You Wanna See a Dead Body?
Desperate to distract from former KOMO journalist Jonathan Choe’s Proud Boys puff piece, KOMO News announced today it would be getting back to its...
Territory Between Fremont and Ballard to Be Officially Recognized as ‘FreeBall’
After years of juggling different names that caused friction in the area dangling between Ballard and Fremont, its residents officially announced today they have...
Seahawks Trade Russell Wilson for NFT of Lombardi Trophy
The Seattle sports landscape was shaken up today after it was announced that Russell Wilson, perennial Pro Bowl quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, was...
COVID Not Mad You Forgot Anniversary, ‘It’s Fine’
Despite the two intimate years you spent intertwined in each other's lives, the COVID-19 virus is reportedly not mad that you forgot the two-year...
Local Man Takes Break from Doomscrolling to Go on Doomjog
Heeding self-care and mental health advice to stop doomscrolling, one responsible local man broke away from his social media newsfeeds this afternoon for a...
Elf on the Shelf Loses Job to Automation
A tenured seasonal employee was unceremoniously laid off today after one local family decided to replace their longtime Elf on the Shelf with Amazon’s...
Bruce Harrell Unveils Plan to Create 1,000 New Prison Beds for Homeless
Following up on his campaign promise to create 1,000 new beds for the homeless, today new Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell unveiled plans to generously...
