Cinerama Theatergoer Not Sure If Chocolate Popcorn or Timothée Chalamet Performance Causing Vomit
Mere minutes into the highly anticipated re-opening of Seattle’s Cinerama featuring the just-released Wonka, one troubled theatergoer ran to the bathroom and reported she doesn’t know whether the chocolate popcorn or the Timothée Chalamet...
Thousands of Santas Gather in Seattle to Crush Child’s Imagination Forever
Today a merry flurry of hundreds of red suits, white fur trim, long beards and jolly bellies came together in Seattle to crush one local child’s imagination forever.
“I was gonna ask for a new...
QUIZ: Did He Ghost You or Is He a Washington State Ferry?
Sometimes it's hard to know whether he ghosted you or is just another Washington State Ferry taking off without you. Take our quiz to help you figure it out.
He said he’d show up at...
Naked Tree Seductively Drops Final Leaf
Eyes popped and tongues rolled out of panting mouths shouting “awoogah” today in Seattle when one naked tree culminated its dazzling, three-month strip tease routine by playfully tossing aside its final leaf to the...
Inclusive Gentile Coworker Follows Up Generous Passover Challah Gift with Hanukkah Matzo
Ever the champion for inclusion and cultural diversity, local gentile coworker Todd Wilkerson impressed his Jewish colleagues today by following up his impressive gift of challah bread for Passover earlier this year with a...
Witch Coven Disappointed No One Noticed They Opened a Portal to Hell in Bellevue
Today one local witch coven is confessing their disappointment that—after all the hard work they put into celebrating Halloween with everyone this year by opening a terrifying portal to hell in Bellevue—no one's even...
Ghosts Haunting Historic Capitol Hill Building Sick and Tired of These Transplant Ghosts Already
A meeting of Belmont Court’s Dead Homeowners Association (DHOA) grew tense today as the 94-year-old building’s otherworldly residents vented concerns about the culture-fit of its increasing numbers of transplant ghosts.
“I’m not seeing the same...
Man Wins Halloween Costume Contest Dressing as Metro Bus, Never Showing Up to Party
This weekend local man Matt Ellis absolutely crushed the costume competition at a friend's Halloween party by dressing up as a King County Metro Bus, and then never showing up.
“At first I was pissed,”...
Guy Who Kind of Knew Kurt Cobain Just Waiting for You to Ask About It
Patrons of Pioneer Square’s legendary Central Saloon are reporting that one of the bar’s regulars, a bearded man with flannel tied at his waist, is strongly giving off a distinct "ask me how I...
Eastern Washingtonians Upset They Can Only Be Anti-Semitic or Islamophobic
As the world reels from one massive tragedy to another, thousands of Eastern Washingtonians say they are mourning more innocent times when they didn’t have to choose between being anti-Semitic or Islamophobic.
“Just two months...
