Seattleites Enjoy Perfect First Day of Summer
Cozy in their knit turtleneck sweaters while sipping a warm mug safe from the cloudy cold outside, Seattleites across the city said the weather...
Lawn Care Daddy Edges Grass to Perfection
Neighbors are reporting that early this morning they heard local lawn care daddy Terry Winchel yet again edge his grass to perfection.
“It seems like...
‘Seattle Weather Really Not That Bad,’ Says Man Who Moved Here 4 Weeks Ago
Contrary to previous speculation, Seattle weather is
surprisingly quite pleasant, reports newly minted Seattle meteorological expert
Scott Caprelli, who moved to town from LA exactly four...
Late Pope Francis Commemorated With Pierce County’s Highest Honor: An Airbrushed State Fair Shirt
State officials today announced that the late Pope Francis would be honored with Pierce County's highest honor, an airbrushed Washington State Fair t-shirt.
"We're proud...
Golden Retriever Comes Out as Proud Pansexual
Today local 24-dog-year-old golden retriever Harvey proudly announced to his friends and family that he is pansexual.
“I am coming out as pansexual to everyone...
Bainbridge Island Museum of Art Promises to Include Palestinian Voices in 6 or 7 Decades
Even though this week the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art canceled a play about Gaza at the last minute, today it promised to include...
Seattleite Emerges from Winter Cocoon as Anti-Social Butterfly
One local Seattleite reportedly emerged from his weighted-blanket chrysalis today and spread his wings as an anti-social butterfly.
"After six long months of winter isolation,...
Microsoft Admits Its AI Is Just Clippy on Shrooms
After years of trying to convince people its various attempts at artificial intelligence software are on the cutting edge of innovation, today Microsoft admitted...
Pratt Fine Arts Center Asked to Cancel DIY Classes or Risk Losing Federal Funding
Today Seattle’s Pratt Fine Arts Center became the next educational institution threatened with federal funding cuts by the Trump administration after someone reported them...
Man Who Told Transplants in the 90s That Seattleites Don’t Use Umbrellas Never Meant for Things to Get This Far
Today born-and-bred Seattle native Hank Sanderson confessed that when he told transplants back in the nineties that real Seattleites don’t use umbrellas, he never...
