Report: Rainbows Really Gonna Have to Level It the Fuck Up
A report released today after a thorough overnight research study of Aurora Borealis confirmed that rainbows are in fact going to need to level their shit up around here from now on and fast.
“Rainbows’...
First Capitol Hill Resident in History Visits Friend in Other Neighborhood
Today a brave adventurer became the first Capitol Hill resident in history to ever visit a friend in another neighborhood.
“We’ve been preparing Joey for this day for years, and I’m so proud that after...
Microsoft One-Ups OpenAI’s Scarlett Johansson ChatGPT Voice with New Eddie Vedder-Voiced Assistant, Jeremy
In the race to be leader of the AI era, today Microsoft one-upped OpenAI’s Scarlett Johansson-voiced ChatGPT by unveiling its new Eddie Vedder-voiced AI assistant, Jeremy.
“Jeremy has spoken! And you can even understand most...
Cat on Leash as Weirded Out by This as You Are
Following a jaunt around Green Lake, local cat Meowntgomery Sinclair confirmed that they were just as weirded out about being seen on a leash as you were.
“I feel weird about this too, but if...
Tech Employee Also Excited to Learn What He Does During Take Your Child to Work Day
After years of his daughter asking what he does all day at work, today local tech employee and father Mike Larson said he was excited to take her to Take Your Child to Work...
Couple Who Killed 17 Houseplants This Year Announces They Are Ready to Have a Baby
Today a local couple who has killed no less than 17 houseplants in the past year was overjoyed to announce that they’re finally ready to bring a baby into the world.
“Making this momentous decision...
Fish and Wildlife to Consider Re-Introduction of Bears to Capitol Hill
With Gov. Jay Inslee’s blessing, this week the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife announced its plans to re-introduce giant, hairy bears to Seattle’s Capitol Hill in hopes to return the habitat to its...
Report: Wild Raccoon Would Love to Be Adopted By You, If You Just Had the Courage To Make the First Move
A new report revealed that the wild raccoons hanging outside your house that you’ve been admiring would love to be adopted by you, if you just had the courage to make the first move.
“Do...
Chihuly Garden and Glass Shatters Museum Ceiling in Celebration of Women’s History Month
In an unforgettable show of solidarity, today Chihuly Garden and Glass ended its Women’s History Month festivities with a bang by literally shattering its own glass ceiling.
“When we told you we’d be blowing the...
God Celebrates Joint Earth Day and Passover by Sending New Plague to Save the Planet
To celebrate the rare combination of Earth Day and the first night of Passover happening on the same day, today God announced he’d be celebrating the special occasion with a new plague to save...
