Report: Wild Raccoon Would Love to Be Adopted By You, If You Just Had the Courage To Make the First Move
A new report revealed that the wild raccoons hanging outside your house that you’ve been admiring would love to be adopted by you, if you just had the courage to make the first move.
“Do...
Chihuly Garden and Glass Shatters Museum Ceiling in Celebration of Women’s History Month
In an unforgettable show of solidarity, today Chihuly Garden and Glass ended its Women’s History Month festivities with a bang by literally shattering its own glass ceiling.
“When we told you we’d be blowing the...
God Celebrates Joint Earth Day and Passover by Sending New Plague to Save the Planet
To celebrate the rare combination of Earth Day and the first night of Passover happening on the same day, today God announced he’d be celebrating the special occasion with a new plague to save...
Israel Wins Oscar for Best Performance as ‘Victim’ in Ongoing Genocide
Despite stiff competition from the greatest actors in the world, tonight Israel won the Oscar for Best Performance as “Victim” in Ongoing Genocide, which it also self-directed.
“Sorry, Bradley! This one’s all ours,” said a...
Embarrassing: UW Cherry Trees Prematurely Blossom All Over Quad
An embarrassing incident unfolded at the University of Washington today after its world-famous cherry trees prematurely blossomed all over the Quad, well before the start of spring.
“It was just so sunny and beautiful today,...
Man Cosplays as ‘Person Who Can Afford Student Loan Payments’ at Emerald City Comic Con
Today local fantasy world enthusiast, 31-year-old Greg, announced he’ll be cosplaying at this weekend’s Emerald City Comic Con as someone who can afford student loan payments.
“Last year I dressed up as someone whose parents...
Best Local Church Can Offer Man Seeking Super Bowl-Advertised Foot Wash Is Ash Rubbed In Face
One local man seeking the free Christian foot wash advertised during the Super Bowl this last weekend walked away from Seattle’s St. James Cathedral absolutely confused tonight after they said the best they could...
Local Shelters Running Dangerously Low on Cats for Women Who Have Recently Deleted Dating Apps
A recent surge in women deleting all of their dating apps to instead spend time cuddling in bed with a different kind of furry pal has local pet shelters running dangerously low on cats...
Landlord Wouldn’t Have Rented You This Apartment If They Knew You Were Gonna Be All Uptight About Needing a Front Door
A local landlord was left in disbelief today after one of the tenants had the nerve to complain about their missing front door.
“After all the windows I painted over for you, this is how...
Seattle Boat Show All Just Hot Tub Boats
Thousands of annual Seattle Boat Show attendees were surprised this weekend to find that instead of yachts and sailboats, everything at the Lumen Field Event Center was just hot-tub boats now.
“What happened to this...
