Office Workers Secretly Waiting for Landing Seaplane to Decapitate Paddleboarder
A recent poll of Westlake office workers revealed that an astonishing 87% of employees secretly hope that a landing seaplane will accidentally decapitate a...
Unemployed Man Discovers End of LinkedIn
After applying to more than 300 jobs over the last six months, it’s being reported that graphic designer Garret Keyson has finally found the...
Seattle Renounces Atheism Forever After Witnessing Resurrection of St. Rat
Long known as the most godless city in America, this week Seattle suddenly renounced atheism forever after witnessing the miraculous resurrection of St. Rat.
“I...
Orca Sick of Being Watched for Free Launches OnlyFins Account
This week a local J-Pod orca tired of complaining about how many people keep staring and watching his every move decided to monetize his...
Fremont Bridge Gets Laser Troll Removal
Seattle residents were stopped dead in their tracks this afternoon as the Fremont Bridge debuted a new summer look that features a complete laser...
Ballard Farmers Market Now Provided for Ambiance Only
This week the Ballard Farmers Market officially transitioned to a “vibes only” model with all the same artisan chowders, moffett berry jams, and soy-free...
Sexual Tension Builds Between the Two Guys in the Microsoft Teams Logo
After years of working closely together, sources are reporting that a steamy romance has developed between the two guys in the Microsoft Teams logo.
“From...
Man Still Spelling It ‘Capital Hill’ Somehow Finds His Way to Capitol Hill Block Party
The Seattle community is celebrating the achievement of one man who—despite still calling it “Capital Hill” a full 36 years into life—somehow miraculously figured...
Capitol Hill Residents Low-Key Excited to Complain About Block Party
The Capitol Hill Block Party is this weekend and the gayborhood is low-key buzzing with excitement about how they’ll complain about it this year.
“Last...
Summer Recipes for Boiling Alive in Your A/C-less Apartment
With blistering summer days ahead, The Needling Test Kitchen compiled their favorite recipes for slowly roasting in your scalding hot apartment.Sweat-Braised Renter with Rainier...
