Culture

After witnessing yet another romantic Pike Place Market wedding proposal between two Seattle sweethearts, Jesus Christ is reporting he’s wondering why they had to do it on his birthday. “I just kind of thought today...

Following a missed opportunity to finally exercise his Second Amendment rights during a heated traffic dispute today, one man lamented the fact that he can never think of the perfect gun to win arguments...

After decades of scaring children and adults alike into thinking a haunted, evil villain’s headquarters plucked straight out of Gotham City was perched up on Beacon Hill, the PacMed Building revealed in a tell-all...

At a family gathering today, local baby boomer Aunt Patty shared news of millennial niece Grace Wilson’s decision to go vegan in the same discreet, hushed voice used to discuss a horrific, life-altering disease.  “I’m...

Too excited to wait on getting in the spirit of his favorite part of rainy season, festive local man Daniel Langley admitted today he’s already putting out all his winter depression decorations. “I couldn’t help...

Like a boogeyman in the sheets, STDs once haunted us with their terrifying prospects of oozing genitalia sores, searing urination, and increased chances of cervical cancer. Oh the nightmares we used to have thinking...

An immersive new escape room opening today in Seattle challenges introverted participants to complete a series of challenges designed around avoiding pleasant small talk with warmhearted, midwestern coworkers. “Our past escape rooms had fantastical themes...

Greenlake — Seattle Public Library officials unveiled their newest prestige purchase today: The last remaining copy of the Necronomicon. “This acquisition really makes our catalog world-class,” said Seattle Public Library spokeswoman Thisely Sindler. “The Necronomicon’s...

In a testament to how deeply they bonded together on a Father’s Day fishing trip this last weekend, the lawn care cycles of a local group of Beacon Hill neighborhood friends have reportedly synchronized. “I...

A secret service agent was critically smooched tonight while heroically leaping to protect South Carolina Democratic primary winner, Joe Biden, from yet another attempt to plant a wet one on a local voter. ...