‘Stupid Californians Priced Me Out,’ Says Stupid Seattleite Pricing Out Denver
A thorough investigation confirmed today that it was indeed thousands of stupid Californians moving to Seattle who priced out Josh Hastings, a stupid Seattleite...
Chateau Ste. Michelle Confirms John Legend Concert Will Have Maskless Make-out Section
A day after releasing its 2021 Summer Concert Series schedule, Woodinville winery and event venue Chateau Ste. Michelle confirmed its sold-out John Legend concert...
Seattle Resident Ready to Return COVID Boyfriend to Tool Library
After keeping him throughout quarantine, Seattle resident Lisa Carroll announced today that her COVID lockdown boyfriend is ready to be returned to the free...
Local Woman Celebrates 5 Years of Acting Amused by Boyfriend’s College Drinking Stories
This holiday weekend, one lucky local lady is celebrating her fifth year of smiling and nodding while her boyfriend tells yet another story...
Research Shows ‘WandaVision’ Apparently Not Documentary About Wanda Sykes
Contrary to popular belief, researchers released a report today confirming that Disney+ hit, WandaVision, is in fact not a tell-all documentary about about beloved...
Single LGBTQ+ Employee Paraded Through Company Like Stanley Cup
In a historic first for the local corporate offices of SalesPusher.com, its senior marketing team’s staff victoriously acquired its first LGBTQ+ employee and promptly...
Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Recognizes Nirvana Drummer’s Cute Little Side Project
In the spirit of promoting up-and-coming musicians, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced today that this year it would be recognizing a...
Thought of New Fast & Furious Film Only Thing That Kept Man Going Through Pandemic
While many turned to the support of family, friends, or newfound hobbies to endure the long lockdowns of 2020, it was the prospect of...
Melvins Discography Now Sentient, Multiplying on Its Own
Longtime Melvins fan Dana Garcia reports the band’s massive catalog appears to have come to life and is multiplying in her living room.
“I came...
New AmazonSmile Charity Lets You Burn Down Independent Bookstores
AmazonSmile announced today that customers can now donate a fraction of their purchases to a new charity specializing in setting fire to independent bookstores.“The...
