Report: Majority of 30s Spent Undoing 20s
A startling report published today revealed for the first time that the majority of your 30s will be spent undoing the untold damage that...
Man Operating Under Assumption He Important Enough to Cancel
Following a flurry of racist and sexist tweets directed towards everyone from Rep. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez and Dr. Fauci to LeBron James and Lola Bunny,...
Guy Wakes Up at 5 a.m. to Tell Everyone He Wakes Up at 5 a.m.
Multiple sources are reporting this evening that local asshole and wannabe Bitcoin billionaire Justin Spencer has once again set his alarm for 5 a.m....
‘Stupid Californians Priced Me Out,’ Says Stupid Seattleite Pricing Out Denver
A thorough investigation confirmed today that it was indeed thousands of stupid Californians moving to Seattle who priced out Josh Hastings, a stupid Seattleite...
Chateau Ste. Michelle Confirms John Legend Concert Will Have Maskless Make-out Section
A day after releasing its 2021 Summer Concert Series schedule, Woodinville winery and event venue Chateau Ste. Michelle confirmed its sold-out John Legend concert...
Seattle Resident Ready to Return COVID Boyfriend to Tool Library
After keeping him throughout quarantine, Seattle resident Lisa Carroll announced today that her COVID lockdown boyfriend is ready to be returned to the free...
Local Woman Celebrates 5 Years of Acting Amused by Boyfriend’s College Drinking Stories
This holiday weekend, one lucky local lady is celebrating her fifth year of smiling and nodding while her boyfriend tells yet another story...
Research Shows ‘WandaVision’ Apparently Not Documentary About Wanda Sykes
Contrary to popular belief, researchers released a report today confirming that Disney+ hit, WandaVision, is in fact not a tell-all documentary about about beloved...
Single LGBTQ+ Employee Paraded Through Company Like Stanley Cup
In a historic first for the local corporate offices of SalesPusher.com, its senior marketing team’s staff victoriously acquired its first LGBTQ+ employee and promptly...
Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Recognizes Nirvana Drummer’s Cute Little Side Project
In the spirit of promoting up-and-coming musicians, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced today that this year it would be recognizing a...
