Slick Lynnwood Guy Knows the Best Redbox in Town
Known locally as "The Tech King of Lynnwood," 53-year-old Dale Stevens exclusively confirmed with The Needling that he's got the Redbox with the best DVD selection pin-pointed.
"I've always been kind of on top of...
Single Withered Carrot Raised Aloft from Garden Like Excalibur
After an entire summer of carefully tending to a new vegetable garden on an at least daily basis, several witnesses say that neighbor Garrett Larson was seen raising the single withered vegetable he harvested...
COVID a Little Nervous for First Day Back at School
After a long summer vacation in Florida, a local viral COVID-19 particle confessed today that she has a lot of anxiety and trepidation over returning to school this fall.
“I’m just a little worried people...
Washington State Fair Ring Toss Prizes All Ivermectin This Year
At the opening of the annual Washington State Fair this Labor Day Weekend, fairgoers say they were shocked and, in some cases, pleasantly surprised to discover that stuffed animals normally offered as prizes at...
Man Not Okay with White Silence Still Pretty Okay with Male Silence
Local white antiracist dude Chase Hedges, who impressed social media followers the world over with his brave calls to end white silence this last year, courageously announced today through silent implication that he’s still...
‘COVID Ruined My Social Skills,’ Says Man Who Never Had Them to Begin With
At a weekend gathering of friends, local resident Eli Weber was reportedly quick to blame his complete lack of tact, grace and general unpleasantness in any sort of group gathering on COVID despite having...
Report: Majority of 30s Spent Undoing 20s
A startling report published today revealed for the first time that the majority of your 30s will be spent undoing the untold damage that you accrued during your 20s.
“I hate to be the bearer...
Man Operating Under Assumption He Important Enough to Cancel
Following a flurry of racist and sexist tweets directed towards everyone from Rep. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez and Dr. Fauci to LeBron James and Lola Bunny, a heartbreakingly insignificant man is reportedly bracing himself to be...
Guy Wakes Up at 5 a.m. to Tell Everyone He Wakes Up at 5 a.m.
Multiple sources are reporting this evening that local asshole and wannabe Bitcoin billionaire Justin Spencer has once again set his alarm for 5 a.m. to adhere to a rigorous daily routine of informing every...
‘Stupid Californians Priced Me Out,’ Says Stupid Seattleite Pricing Out Denver
A thorough investigation confirmed today that it was indeed thousands of stupid Californians moving to Seattle who priced out Josh Hastings, a stupid Seattleite now pricing people out in Denver.
“I never really wanted to...
