West Seattle Woman Too Goth to Even Work At Luna Park Café
According to shocked local witnesses, yesterday Morticia Wormwood was turned away from a job interview at West Seattle’s famous 50’s diner, Luna Park Café,...
Seattle ‘Love Is Blind’ Singles Instantly Fall in Love Over Shared Passion for Avoiding Eye Contact
A teaser trailer out today for this season’s Seattle-based “Love Is Blind” dating reality show reveals this may be the series’ most successful yet...
Millennial Blocked from Entering Neumos by Horde of Feral Gen Z Dancers
Capitol Hill millennial Sandy Miller was allegedly denied entry into a Neumos Emo-Nite show tonight by what many say they can only describe as...
5 Ways to Hide Your Schadenfreude When You Find Out a Tech Bro Just Lost His Job
As thousands of tech industry workers face the difficulty of losing their jobs—including 9,000 Amazon workers laid off this week alone—it’s saddling thousands more...
Upper Middle Class White Men Finally Have Safe Space to Gather This Week at Seattle Boat Show
After a harrowing year of having no other safe space to gather, local upper middle class white men will once again finally have a...
Old Seattleite Once Again Passes Off Almost Live! Joke As His Own to Clueless Transplants
Longtime Seattleite Todd Miller had his coworkers in stitches this week joking about how everyone gets the streets Pike and Pine confused, artfully passing...
Tennessee Lawmakers Ban Travel to Seattle After Learning About Utilikilts
After hearing reports about the popularity of the made-in-Seattle utilitarian, un-bifurcated garments, today conservative legislators in Tennessee announced a travel-to-Seattle ban to save their...
Oscars ‘Multiverse Stream’ Treats Viewers to Timeline Where Will Smith Slaps Chris Rock with Hot Dog Fingers
After struggling with ratings over the past decade, producers for the 2023 Oscars decided to experiment with a new “multiverse stream” format in which...
Indian Mom Influencers Ruin Holi Again by Only Letting Kids Throw Shades of Beige Gulal
Today a group of local Indian mom influencers once again ruined the Festival of Colors, Holi, as bad as mothers who ruin Easter egg...
Woman Goes Alone to FRIENDS Experience
In order to fully appreciate re-living memories from her favorite 90s sit-com, Friends, today Seattleite Kelly Dodge went to Pacific Place to wander show...
