Lauren Sanchez Left at Home After Jeff Bezos Only Able to Score One Taylor Swift Ticket
Trouble in paradise is brewing for Jeff Bezos today after he made the controversial decision to leave his fiancée, Lauren Sanchez, at home when...
Tacoma Upstages Everett’s Seattle-Paine Field Airport Rebrand With New T-Pain Field
Just days after it was announced that Everett’s Paine Field is being renamed Seattle-Paine Field Airport, Tacoma quickly stole the spotlight away today with...
Crowd Cheers as Beyoncé Gets In Formation, Goes Full Lemonade on Fleet of SPD Cruisers
After a long week of waiting for anyone to punish Seattle police union leaders caught on tape laughing at the death of a young...
Fallen Leaf Receives 12-hour Leaf Blower Salute
In a moving and touching tribute, today a lone fallen leaf received an entire 12-hour leaf-blower salute before being laid to rest by loyal...
“Seattle Freeze in Full Effect,” Declares Room of Transplants Not Speaking to Each Other
The Cleveland-born founder of the Seattle SuperThawNics — a new support group for lonely transplants unable to navigate their new home’s frigid, post-apocalyptic streets...
Lake Union Hot Tub Boat Easily Capsizes into Cold Tub Boat
As summer temperatures spike worldwide, today Seattle's Lake Union Hot Tub Boats unveiled a new line of vessels that easily capsize into cold-tub boats.
“We...
Orca Pod Commandeers Fireworks Boat, Points Pyrotechnic Cannons at Jeff Bezos’ Yacht
Following a series of coordinated attacks on extravagant sailing vessels across the world, today one orca pod escalated their assault on the 1% after...
Seattle Reggae Festival Books Real-Life Black Man
Proving its genuine commitment and respect to the historical roots of reggae in Black culture, today the Seattle Reggae Festival proudly announced one of...
Seattle Aquarium Touch Tide Pool Begs For Mercy
Years of quiet patience finally ran out today at Seattle Aquarium’s touch tidepool where starfish, anemones, sea cucumbers and many others came together to...
Cool Thing Somehow Misplaced in Bellevue
Local officials announced today that they are opening a formal investigation into how a thing that is honestly pretty fucking cool ended up somehow...
