Uncontacted Tribe of Mall Santas Discovered in Abandoned Pacific Place Mall
The local scientific community is buzzing today following the discovery of an uncontacted tribe of Mall Santas living inside the abandoned Pacific Place Mall.
"It's been an eternity since anyone has set foot in the...
High-Powered New Leaf Blower Moves 6 Whole Wet Leaves a Minute
Just in time for the late fall season’s soggiest and most stubborn damp leaves, an innovative, high-powered new leaf blower that just hit the market reportedly moves as many as six whole wet leaves...
Macramé Barricades Spring Up at Urban Craft Uprising
Radical vendors armed with hot glue guns erected barricades of knotted hemp macramé at Seattle Center today in yet another Urban Craft Uprising.
“We have fortified the Exhibition Hall with jute and yarn and decorated...
Bluesky Holdout Just Not Sure If It’s Controlled by Shitty Enough Rich Asshole Yet
Today longtime Instagram, Facebook and X/Twitter user Haleigh Perkins said she’s still holding out on joining new social media alternative Bluesky because she’s just not sure it’s run by a misogynist enough billionaire piece...
Home Depot Unveils 12-Foot Turkey Carcass Skeleton
Hoping to keep its giant decorative skeleton gravy train going through Thanksgiving, today The Home Depot announced it’s now selling enormous 12-foot Turkey Carcass Skeletons.
"We’ve been searching for a product to bridge the...
Woman Swears Brunch Outfit is Not Pajamas
A Seattle woman’s weekend plans to enjoy a relaxing brunch at Sabine Café with a friend visiting from Paris were dashed today by repeated accusations that she was publicly dining in pajamas.
“Leggings and a...
Local Woman Excited to Hear First Date Ideas From California-Born Tech Worker
This week, Seattle-native Brianna Johnson reportedly told her friends that she was excited to hear her Hinge match’s ideas for hikes in the area, especially since he’s such a cool and smart tech worker...
Make-A-Wish Extends Services to the Terminally Online
Today the Make-A-Wish Foundation announced that in addition to fulfilling the wishes of dying children, they will now also make dreams come true for the terminally online."Estimates put around 30% of the internet population...
Hunky Rural Christmas Tree Farmers Tired of Hallmark Movie Objectification
Today Hunky Christmas Arborists Union Local 525 called for an official boycott of all romcom-stye Christmas movies popularized by the Hallmark Channel saying the genre unfairly objectifies their membership of studly, eligible Yule loggers.
“Sure,...
