Libertarian Friend Finally Admits He’s Just An Asshole
After years of trying to get a confession of douchebaggery out of local Libertarian Chase Dickerson, his liberal friends are reporting today they finally...
SPD Recruitment Test Standards Lowered to Just Coloring Inside the Thin Blue Line
With Seattle Police Department recruitment flagging despite throwing most of the city budget at them, the SPD announced plans to boost enrollment by lowering...
Amazon Promises Warehouse Workers Will Only Endure Inhumane Conditions Until Automation Replaces Them All
As word of dangerous working conditions at Amazon’s warehouses spread across the nation, Amazon CEO Andy Jassy called a rare press conference to formally...
Seattle Man Convinced G Line Actually a Myth
A Seattle man expressed his doubts Monday about whether King County Metro's RapidRide G Line actually exists.
“I can’t find the G-Line anywhere, and because...
Everybody Run: The Cat Learned How to Hold a Knife
One local family was sent running away in a frenzied panic Tuesday night after their cat ‘Mewcifer’ suddenly learned how to hold a knife...
Man Buys Artisan Loaf at Met Market, Forever Abandoning Dreams of Home Ownership
Today Lower Queen Anne resident Daniel Forsythe made the life-altering decision to buy an artisan loaf of garlic rosemary bread at Metropolitan Market, forever...
WSDOT Announces Plan to Build Bridge Out of Decommissioned Ferries
After months of struggling to meet demand for sailings across Puget Sound with fewer and fewer operational ferries from its rapidly aging fleet, today...
Report: No Way to Tell Where the Blackberry Juice Begins, Blood Ends
Local foraging researchers who spent weeks getting their hands dirty in the field released a report today confirming that—when it comes to determining which...
Mariners Trophy Case Running Out of Room for Participation Trophies
After another fun baseball season of doing their best, the Mariners trophy case has reportedly completely run out of room for participation trophies.
“Do you...
Understaffed SPD Assures Public It Definitely Has Enough Time to Stop and Frisk Aurora Sex Workers Again
To address worries that the reportedly extremely understaffed agency may not have the resources to crack down on prostitutes again the way City Councilmember...
