Kraken Mascot Fired After Reminding Mariners Fans Who Had the Blue Corndog First
Buoy was immediately fired today after the pantsless Seattle Kraken mascot took to the Climate Pledge Arena ice to “remind Mariner fans who had...
Lumen Field Innie Blissfully Unaware of Mariners
After years of his outie suffering extreme mental anguish due to one big Mariners loss after another, this year Lumen Field innie Matt S....
Amazon Clarifies Climate Pledge was Just Pledge to Change Climate, Not Improve It
After weeks of sticking to an unpopular 5-days-a-week return-to-office order despite increased Seattle area car traffic and pollution that seemingly didn't align with its...
Mariners’ Concessions Asking Fans to Round Up At Checkout to Fund New Player
Mariners fans were puzzled at T-Mobile Park concession stands today when they were asked if they wanted to round up at checkout to help...
Ichiro Throws the Ceremonial First Fish
The 2025 Mariners season began officially today as former 10-time All Star and National Baseball Hall of Fame inductee Ichiro Suzuki threw out the...
Local Idiot Thinks SoDo Has Always Meant ‘South Of Downtown’
Several Seattle historians are reporting today that local idiot Kyle Bennington actually thought SoDo stood for “south of downtown” instead of what it obviously...
Pink Pony Club? These Cherry Blossoms Keep Flashing Everyone Their Petals
In what some are calling Seattle’s own Pink Pony Club, crowds of cherry blossoms right in the UW Quad are reportedly flashing everyone their...
Seattle Dusts Off Nazi Puncher Signal
Eight years after one brave Seattle hero reminded the world it’s still very much possible to punch Nazis out cold with your own bare...
SPD Announces It’s On Track to Meet 2025 Staffing Goals After All Thanks to New Pool of 1,500 Candidates
After struggling to hire enough officers even with recently increased salaries and bonuses, today the Seattle Police Department announced it’s unexpectedly on track to...
RFK Jr. Believes Vaccines Cause March Madness
Today Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. released a report warning Americans that he and one chiropractor he found on YouTube believe vaccines...
