After hearing Hunts Point Mayor Joseph Sabey canceled his affluent Eastside town’s next public meeting to avoid people protesting his renting of facilities he owns to ICE, today former Seattle City Council member Sara Nelson kindly stepped up to show him how to run a public meeting from a secret bunker instead.
“No need to cancel a whole meeting – see, what you want to do is install a secret door under the council dais that leads to a secret bunker 600 feet underground,” said Nelson, showing him her old, secret lair under Seattle City Hall she used to Zoom into public meetings. “Wi-fi connection isn’t too good, but it’s not like you really wanna hear what anyone else is saying to you anyways, right? A secret lair comes in really handy too when you need somewhere to take an in-meeting vape break while some nerd drones on about something stupid like ethics, civil rights or affordable housing.”
Just in case protesters trying to stop Sabey from renting his Tukwila facilities to ICE return, Nelson it’s a good idea to get more familiar with Zooming into public meeting instead.
“Zooming into meetings long after it should have been allowed post-pandemic is becoming a lost art around here since I’m no longer in office,” Nelson said. “Someone must carry on my political legacy of muting and cutting off people as much as possible.”
At press time, Sabey said the secret bunker was a cute idea but will probably go with installing a moat filled with sharks with freaking laser beams attached to their heads instead.
