Bob Ferguson Hoping to Follow Carmen Best Endorsement with Howard Schultz, Russell Wilson
After his campaign for governor received a clutch endorsement last week from Carmen Best—a former Seattle police chief and public records violator he refused...
Local Man Fondly Recalls When Seattle Residents Could Actually Afford Homes to Do Drugs In
Lemonade in-hand as grandchildren gathered around his porch rocking chair, today Seattle native Allan Smith happily reminisced on the days of yore when Seattle residents...
36-Year-Old Son Panics, Reverts to Giving Mom Finger Painting
In a frightened, last-ditch effort to surprise his mommy with the perfect Mother’s Day gift, local 36-year-old man and State Farm agent Zeke Gibson...
Upper Middle Class White Men Finally Have Safe Space to Gather This Week at Seattle Boat Show
After a harrowing year of having no other safe space to gather, local upper middle class white men will once again finally have a...
Seattle Parks Says Fuck It, All Parks Are Dog Parks
Today Seattle Parks and Recreation announced its new “You Know What? Fuck It” policy permanently designating all city-owned parks as off-leash dog parks.
“Most park...
5 Places to See the Fall Foliage Shrivel and Explode into Dust
Looking for the PNW’s top spots to see the region’s parched fall foliage shrivel and explode into dust before your Doc Martens, Red Wings...
Woodland Park Zoo Publicly Apologizes for Inviting Ozzy Osbourne to Perform at ZooTunes
Woodland Park Zoo has issued an apology today after heavy metal pioneer Ozzy Osbourne was caught trying to eat several bats housed in the...
Ferry Runs Aground After Seafair Pirates Force Captain to Walk the Plank
A state ferry sustained heavy damage and ran aground in West Seattle today after the beloved Seafair Pirates commandeered the ferry and forced the...
Local Seattle Native Fondly Recalls When Unicorns Once Frolicked Along Third Avenue
Although the pummeled rubble of Downtown Seattle today is virtually indistinguishable from that of bombed-out World War II London, one local Seattle native says...
Short-staffed Hospitals Implement Self-Checkout Lanes for Unvaccinated Patients
Overwhelmed nurses at overcrowded local hospitals received real relief for the first time in two years this week with the welcome introduction of self-checkout...
