Seattle Parks Says Fuck It, All Parks Are Dog Parks
Today Seattle Parks and Recreation announced its new “You Know What? Fuck It” policy permanently designating all city-owned parks as off-leash dog parks.
“Most park...
5 Places to See the Fall Foliage Shrivel and Explode into Dust
Looking for the PNW’s top spots to see the region’s parched fall foliage shrivel and explode into dust before your Doc Martens, Red Wings...
Woodland Park Zoo Publicly Apologizes for Inviting Ozzy Osbourne to Perform at ZooTunes
Woodland Park Zoo has issued an apology today after heavy metal pioneer Ozzy Osbourne was caught trying to eat several bats housed in the...
Ferry Runs Aground After Seafair Pirates Force Captain to Walk the Plank
A state ferry sustained heavy damage and ran aground in West Seattle today after the beloved Seafair Pirates commandeered the ferry and forced the...
Local Seattle Native Fondly Recalls When Unicorns Once Frolicked Along Third Avenue
Although the pummeled rubble of Downtown Seattle today is virtually indistinguishable from that of bombed-out World War II London, one local Seattle native says...
Short-staffed Hospitals Implement Self-Checkout Lanes for Unvaccinated Patients
Overwhelmed nurses at overcrowded local hospitals received real relief for the first time in two years this week with the welcome introduction of self-checkout...
Report: Nation’s Dogs Working on New COVID Variant in Attempt to Keep Owners at Home
A shocking report leaked today reveals that the nation’s dogs are currently in development of the next COVID-19 variant in an attempt to keep...
Researchers Confirm Unread Anti-racism Books Double as Shield Against All Accusations of Racism
After more than a year of rigorous investigation, researchers at Seattle Public Schools’ administration office confirmed findings today proving that holding up unread books...
Interrogation of Local Meteorologist About Chances of White Christmas Enters Day Five
Now on their fifth grueling day of interrogating Seattle National Weather Service meteorologist Stan Hodges in a dark basement, local reporters investigating whether we’re...
Mass Exodus of Unvaccinated Cops to Finally Protect and Serve Community
After years of being asked to protect and serve the City of Seattle, at least a third of Seattle Police Department officers say they’re...
