Defiant Elmo Storms Sesame Street City Hall Demanding Right to Be Tickled
The peaceful neighborhood of Sesame Street erupted into chaos today as popular muppet Elmo led an anti-lockdown protest to the steps of City Hall...
Mike Pence Quietly Asks FDA to Remove ‘Obscene Little Buttholes’ from Oranges
Amid chaotic crisis planning to
mitigate a global pandemic, Vice President Mike Pence has reportedly also found
the time to quietly ask the FDA to remove...
Fox News Insists Sacrificing Easter Bunny May Be Necessary to Save Economy
With Easter looming and no end to the Coronavirus pandemic in sight, Fox News political pundits have begun to surmise that a sacrifice of...
‘Get Back Here, You Twerp’ Screams Klobuchar, Chasing Shrieking Buttigieg Around Debate Stage
The latest Democratic debate in South Carolina Tuesday night quickly went off the rails as bickering between Senator Amy Klobuchar and Mayor Pete Buttigieg...
Joe Biden Vows to Bring Troops Home from Vietnam, Work with Soviets on Détente
Wilmington, Delaware – In a statement livestreamed from the depths of his basement office, Joe Biden vowed today to unite both progressive and moderate...
At First We Thought Bloomberg Was Just Another Racist Billionaire, But Then He Gave Us Money
We here at The Needling knew our first political endorsement
during our Decide for Me 2020 coverage would be kind of a big deal. As
Seattle’s...
Trump Supporter Tests Positive for Deadly Democratic Hoax
After days of suffering a fever, cough and chest tightness
worrisome enough to warrant hospitalization, doctors have confirmed local Trump
supporter Craig Duncan, 45, has tested...
Mucinex Booger Awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom
With bated breath to avoid airborne infection, audiences watched
with awe as President Donald Trump awarded another Presidential Medal of
Freedom today to the legendary Mucinex...
OSHA Announces Mistletoe Buyback Program in Exchange for Sexual Harassment Training
Recognizing the hazards of mistletoe in office settings, OSHA has formed a special task force for a no-questions-asked buyback program to get this dangerous...
