December 2020 Refuses to Concede to January 2021
After President Donald Trump finally gave what was essentially a long-awaited concession speech Thursday night, the nation remains in limbo today as December 2020...
White House Officials Quickly Running Out of Buses to Throw Each Other Under
The White House descended into chaos today as its supply of buses to throw each other under ran critically low.
“We thought we had enough...
CDC Condemns Alleged Super-Spreader That Visited Every Home in Single Night
This morning the Center for Disease Control condemned the work of a potentially international coronavirus super-spreader who somehow visited every home in the world...
President Announces All Mail-in Gifts Not Delivered By Christmas Don’t Count
In response to allegations that crippling the United States Post Office earlier this year to deter mail-in voting is now resulting in packages not...
New COVID Conspiracy Claims Vaccine Contains Miniaturized School Bus Full of Children
Conspiracy Facebook groups across the internet are spiking with activity today after reports surfaced from conspiracy theorist ‘D33P St8 H8r’ that the much anticipated...
Trump Presidential Library to Archive Full Collection of Discarded Republican Spines
Although there’s still no word on whether a concession speech is forthcoming from the Republican incumbent, an upbeat White House press release announced today...
BREAKING: Supreme Court Rejects Trump Effort to Unseal File Revealing Hamburglar’s Identity
In a damning blow to the Trump administration, the Supreme Court has rejected the president’s last desperate plea to unseal corporate McDonald’s documents containing...
Rudy Giuliani Slips From Shedded Skin to Elude Contact Tracers
CDC officials were left confused and thoroughly disgusted after former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani reportedly shed his outer layer of skin to escape the...
COVID-19 Tests Positive for Donald Trump
Despite COVID-19 being 2020’s second most divisive public figure, the world has united to send its thoughts and prayers to the deadly virus after...
Nation Chooses Correct Addle-Brained Septuagenarian
State election offices are confirming America’s voters have somehow narrowly managed to choose the correct addle-brained, white male septuagenarian to lead the country for...
