Impressive Reckless Driving Record Scores Belltown Hellcat Job at SPD
After months of terrorizing and waking up Downtown Seattle with his insanely loud tiger-striped Dodge Charger that barrels down streets at more than 100 mph, today the Seattle Police Department said they were finally...
Inslee Discovers He Has Enough PTO to Stop Being Governor Right Now
This morning Washington State Governor Jay Inslee was reportedly shocked when he stopped staring at the summer weather outside long enough to discover he’d actually racked up so much PTO over his three 4-year...
Centralia Spontaneously Combusts Following Trump Verdict
Following the announcement that Donald Trump was found guilty on all 34 counts in the former President’s hush-money case, conservative stronghold Centralia reportedly spontaneously combusted.
“Suddenly the TVs tuned to Fox News let out this...
‘Ransomware Attacks for Dummies’ Overdue at Seattle Public Library
Today Seattle Public Library announced that in addition to an unfortunate cybersecurity attack that has disabled access to most of its digital resources like e-books this week, it is also just letting people know...
HOA Cracks Down On ‘In This House We Believe’ Signs That Fail to Address Every Social Ill
Homeowners in Leschi were stunned to receive written notices from their HOA last week warning that their "In this house we believe" signs do not comprehensively enough list a stance against every possible problem...
Report: 90% of Prospective Seattle Homebuyers Have Settled For Kent, They Just Don’t Know It Yet
A new report released today confirms that no less than 90 percent of prospective Seattle homebuyers have actually settled for Kent even though they don’t know it yet.
“We’d really like to live in North...
Mayor Harrell Clarifies That ‘One Seattle’ Has Always Referred to the One Percent of Seattle with Waterfront Property
After a KUOW investigation unveiled last week that one rich man sending a text to Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell’s personal cell phone is what initiated the whole controversy around the Denny Blaine nude beach...
SPD K-9 Takes Forced Retirement After Using Talk Buttons to Question Policies
Beloved and intelligent Seattle Police Department K-9 Buster was reportedly forced into early retirement today after using his dog talk buttons to question SPD policies.
“The dog buttons were cute there for a moment when...
Burien City Council Passes Bill Criminalizing Being in Burien
Today the Burien City Council passed a new ordinance which makes existing within the city limits of Burien a crime."We need to do what's best for the people of Burien," argued Burien Mayor Kevin...
King County Apologizes for Acid-Contaminated Water That Caused Zebra and Aurora Borealis Hallucinations
Today King County Public Health formally apologized for the acid-contaminated water supply that caused widespread hallucinations over the last two weeks of an omnipresent zebra deity, and skies that were either a perfect cloudless...
